We spent twenty years raising 2 boys in the same West Coast suburban town. Last year, with them both in college, we moved into a 600sf apartment in Manhattan for a work opportunity. Decades of objects, thousands of square feet of memories. The struggle is real, not so much for our boys (who love coming to the city) but for us, so far, we regret nothing. As Helen Keller wrote, "Life is either a daring adventure, nothing."
Thank you for this thoughtful piece, to which I related so much. Interesting to know about the science behind nesting during these liminal periods, as I too am in a phase of decluttering and reset, as many of us seem to be in this back to school season. I chuckled out loud at "I get a ridiculous amount of pleasure from new shelf organizers that are completely transforming my life"- that's me to a tee!
Living alone, and the kids join me part time, and the dog a lot, for the first time in my life. I understand very much about these spirits and these themes of culling, re-identifying, and of internalizing vs holding materiality.
I’ve reckoned with so many fears through all of this. And I’ve risen stronger!
Love this! Sometimes the things we hold onto are only meant to stay with us for a while and that’s okay. They mattered when they needed to, and letting them go doesn’t take away their meaning.
Every waning moon, I feel The Urge to Purge, and this last one was supercharged! I always feel mildly guilty about throwing things in the trash, but quite a few things from my basement did end up there. Lots of stuff went up on FB marketplace, which is a psychological experiment in and of itself. And some things will be headed to Habitat’s Restore shop near me. Additionally, I went through the three boxes of cards, photos (loads in frames), and mementos, and blessed and released into recycling. Do I really need that photo card of my friend’s kids from 2012? I do not. I whittled down to two boxes.
I donated my wedding dress to the Emma & Evan Foundation which repurposes gowns into angel gowns and NICU graduation gowns, which they provide to families for free. (You can also have a christening dress made from your gown for your own family member.)
My veil, tiara, and flowers are up on marketplace, among other things from my wedding. It was time to release that time period.
There’s more to do down there but it’s not time yet, and I don’t feel the pull at the moment… but rest assured it will be back and I’ll welcome it.
Those are big purges! I live in a NYC apartment so I don't have a basement (thankfully, they scare me 😅) so for us it's just a continuous cycle of purge and buy every year. I don't think I have time for this right now, but I also need to go through boxes of cards and old letters. I have some letters from friends that are at least 25 years old so I don't know if I'm ready to get rid of them, but that's my next big project.
I also have a big pile of letters like that but I didn’t go through them this time. I knew rereading would take significant time and I wanted to make sure the less significant stuff was taken care of first.
I think about downsizing to an apartment fairly often. The one thing that keeps me in place is my gardens, trees, and all the birds. I’d be really sad without property to cultivate into flower gardens.
I hear that. I actually don't have any desire to have a house, but the only thing I wonder about is having a real garden. I am grateful for our two balconies. We make the best of it by growing what we can.
I very much related to this essay. As someone with a sentimental attachment to certain objects, it’s the erasure I fear most with their disposal. I worry about forgetting the memory if I no longer have the visual cue.
I'm very sentimental as well, which is why it's so interesting when I can suddenly let go of something. Maybe my love of purging and cleaning is stronger!
Love to see Josh Johnson here. I make it my weekly ritual to watch his weekly specials on YouTube.
Other than that, there’s something about this essay that resonated with me. I’ve been thinking about possessions, the transience of life, and the seasons of deciding what stays and what goes.
I'm lucky that I get to read about your musings about life events that we frequently share. I have just gone through 3 rooms, organizing and purging all the stuff we no longer need. At the time, I didn't connect it to memories & life change but you're so right. It feels freeing and I find a finished organized space, small or large, lifts my soul. My husband says that I like to "put things into things". What can I say, I hate physical and mental clutter.
My daughter heads back to college on Sunday. Also on Sunday my son leaves to start his first post-college job. My purging begins on Monday. It's such an important part of settling back into the house after they go. Also, I reclaim the craft table upstairs outside their bedrooms and start big jigsaw puzzle. The rituals are important. This was beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Jenna, thank you for sharing this so openly — it really lingers. I also collect small traces from the places I pass through: a shell from every sea, a cone from every forest, and pencils from the museums I visit. Somehow they grow lighter in my pockets but heavier with meaning over time.
"Somehow they grow lighter in my pockets but heavier with meaning over time." This is such a beautiful sentiment, Elena. So eloquently put, and thank you for sharing your piece.
So interesting. When my grandson was born, because of Covid and other lingering illnesses I provided daycare for my grandson. I was so distressed when his mom had to go to daycare as an infant in the days of little or no maternity leave. I got to experience with him all the daily magic I missed. He’s started pre-school and in the quiet as I too go through the bottles, toys diapers that do not fit. Now my body remembers my daughter going to college, the quiet feels eerily familiar. So despite being in a different phase of life your essay powerfully resonated!
Lynn, what a wonderful opportunity to relive some of the baby years through your grandson. I think my dad, who for much different reasons was not around all that much, felt like he had a second chance when my kids were born. Who knows if I will experience that. Gen Z is not really interested in having kids these days!
Conversation Balloons Podcast has an excellent episode on hoarding and compulsive acquiring (of merch, trash, animals), interviewing expert Lauren Williams.
Thank you Jenna…It does indeed feel like our cycles of holding on and letting go move within the larger fields of seasons and time of life!
I frequently recycle clothing and have a sense of when a cull is coming…it’s such a good feeling to put once loved back into circulation. You hit the nail on the head saying you hold the item and ‘feel’ if it’s time is nigh….and ….yes…even the most precious items have their time….
I have a hard time letting go of objects, because I learned in childhood that they couldn't let me down or hurt me. Thankfully I'm a very organized collector/saver of things, because I do have quite a lot...but as I've gotten older (and am further along in my healing process) I've been able to let go of more.
Hi Jenna! I really enjoyed reading this, it is beautifully written. I am an architect and I too love how spaces and objects come alive through our lived experiences. I am actually about to launch a new series on the topic of our sensorial memory of childhood spaces, and I’m so glad I came across your work! Wonderful meeting you. Here's a bit more about me:
We spent twenty years raising 2 boys in the same West Coast suburban town. Last year, with them both in college, we moved into a 600sf apartment in Manhattan for a work opportunity. Decades of objects, thousands of square feet of memories. The struggle is real, not so much for our boys (who love coming to the city) but for us, so far, we regret nothing. As Helen Keller wrote, "Life is either a daring adventure, nothing."
That's such a huge change! But so glad to hear that it's been a positive move, Danny. And welcome to New York!
Thank you for this thoughtful piece, to which I related so much. Interesting to know about the science behind nesting during these liminal periods, as I too am in a phase of decluttering and reset, as many of us seem to be in this back to school season. I chuckled out loud at "I get a ridiculous amount of pleasure from new shelf organizers that are completely transforming my life"- that's me to a tee!
😂 Like I literally walk by the cabinets and open them to admire the organization.
Living alone, and the kids join me part time, and the dog a lot, for the first time in my life. I understand very much about these spirits and these themes of culling, re-identifying, and of internalizing vs holding materiality.
I’ve reckoned with so many fears through all of this. And I’ve risen stronger!
Jenna, thank you as always for sharing. 🤍
I know you do, Carrie, based on our conversation this summer. ❤️
♥️
Love this! Sometimes the things we hold onto are only meant to stay with us for a while and that’s okay. They mattered when they needed to, and letting them go doesn’t take away their meaning.
Exactly this, Tatiana. Thank you.
Every waning moon, I feel The Urge to Purge, and this last one was supercharged! I always feel mildly guilty about throwing things in the trash, but quite a few things from my basement did end up there. Lots of stuff went up on FB marketplace, which is a psychological experiment in and of itself. And some things will be headed to Habitat’s Restore shop near me. Additionally, I went through the three boxes of cards, photos (loads in frames), and mementos, and blessed and released into recycling. Do I really need that photo card of my friend’s kids from 2012? I do not. I whittled down to two boxes.
I donated my wedding dress to the Emma & Evan Foundation which repurposes gowns into angel gowns and NICU graduation gowns, which they provide to families for free. (You can also have a christening dress made from your gown for your own family member.)
My veil, tiara, and flowers are up on marketplace, among other things from my wedding. It was time to release that time period.
There’s more to do down there but it’s not time yet, and I don’t feel the pull at the moment… but rest assured it will be back and I’ll welcome it.
Those are big purges! I live in a NYC apartment so I don't have a basement (thankfully, they scare me 😅) so for us it's just a continuous cycle of purge and buy every year. I don't think I have time for this right now, but I also need to go through boxes of cards and old letters. I have some letters from friends that are at least 25 years old so I don't know if I'm ready to get rid of them, but that's my next big project.
I also have a big pile of letters like that but I didn’t go through them this time. I knew rereading would take significant time and I wanted to make sure the less significant stuff was taken care of first.
I think about downsizing to an apartment fairly often. The one thing that keeps me in place is my gardens, trees, and all the birds. I’d be really sad without property to cultivate into flower gardens.
I hear that. I actually don't have any desire to have a house, but the only thing I wonder about is having a real garden. I am grateful for our two balconies. We make the best of it by growing what we can.
I very much related to this essay. As someone with a sentimental attachment to certain objects, it’s the erasure I fear most with their disposal. I worry about forgetting the memory if I no longer have the visual cue.
I'm very sentimental as well, which is why it's so interesting when I can suddenly let go of something. Maybe my love of purging and cleaning is stronger!
Love to see Josh Johnson here. I make it my weekly ritual to watch his weekly specials on YouTube.
Other than that, there’s something about this essay that resonated with me. I’ve been thinking about possessions, the transience of life, and the seasons of deciding what stays and what goes.
I find his narrative commentary helpful in breaking down current events!
I'm lucky that I get to read about your musings about life events that we frequently share. I have just gone through 3 rooms, organizing and purging all the stuff we no longer need. At the time, I didn't connect it to memories & life change but you're so right. It feels freeing and I find a finished organized space, small or large, lifts my soul. My husband says that I like to "put things into things". What can I say, I hate physical and mental clutter.
I have a deep aversion to clutter too. I just hope it's not crossing over into OCD!
My daughter heads back to college on Sunday. Also on Sunday my son leaves to start his first post-college job. My purging begins on Monday. It's such an important part of settling back into the house after they go. Also, I reclaim the craft table upstairs outside their bedrooms and start big jigsaw puzzle. The rituals are important. This was beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
We drive back our youngest tomorrow morning 🥲. The purging is also a good distraction. Hope your kids have a great school year/first job!
Jenna, thank you for sharing this so openly — it really lingers. I also collect small traces from the places I pass through: a shell from every sea, a cone from every forest, and pencils from the museums I visit. Somehow they grow lighter in my pockets but heavier with meaning over time.
It reminded me of a piece I wrote some time back about how three small objects can hold an entire self, if you’d like to read: https://open.substack.com/pub/elenamostovova/p/you-in-three-objects-a-shadow-box?r=389ywd&utm_medium=ios
"Somehow they grow lighter in my pockets but heavier with meaning over time." This is such a beautiful sentiment, Elena. So eloquently put, and thank you for sharing your piece.
So interesting. When my grandson was born, because of Covid and other lingering illnesses I provided daycare for my grandson. I was so distressed when his mom had to go to daycare as an infant in the days of little or no maternity leave. I got to experience with him all the daily magic I missed. He’s started pre-school and in the quiet as I too go through the bottles, toys diapers that do not fit. Now my body remembers my daughter going to college, the quiet feels eerily familiar. So despite being in a different phase of life your essay powerfully resonated!
Lynn, what a wonderful opportunity to relive some of the baby years through your grandson. I think my dad, who for much different reasons was not around all that much, felt like he had a second chance when my kids were born. Who knows if I will experience that. Gen Z is not really interested in having kids these days!
Conversation Balloons Podcast has an excellent episode on hoarding and compulsive acquiring (of merch, trash, animals), interviewing expert Lauren Williams.
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you Jenna…It does indeed feel like our cycles of holding on and letting go move within the larger fields of seasons and time of life!
I frequently recycle clothing and have a sense of when a cull is coming…it’s such a good feeling to put once loved back into circulation. You hit the nail on the head saying you hold the item and ‘feel’ if it’s time is nigh….and ….yes…even the most precious items have their time….
They objects serve their purpose and then we can let them go, right? They always tell us when it's time.
I have a hard time letting go of objects, because I learned in childhood that they couldn't let me down or hurt me. Thankfully I'm a very organized collector/saver of things, because I do have quite a lot...but as I've gotten older (and am further along in my healing process) I've been able to let go of more.
That's such an endearing and heartbreaking take on objects in our childhood—and how very true! 💕
Hi Jenna! I really enjoyed reading this, it is beautifully written. I am an architect and I too love how spaces and objects come alive through our lived experiences. I am actually about to launch a new series on the topic of our sensorial memory of childhood spaces, and I’m so glad I came across your work! Wonderful meeting you. Here's a bit more about me:
https://open.substack.com/pub/sabinehabib/p/one-blanket-many-spaces?r=5cdgwb&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Nice to meet you, and thank you so much for sharing!