I've struggled with the same thing for ages — in school, I had a lot of natural talent and could reproduce what I saw in front of me without even trying. I put it on the back burner to earn money as a designer (which I was horrible at to begin with) and a few years ago started asking myself why I had let my talent "go to waste."
I have a studio space in my house, much more than we had when we lived in Fort Greene, but still I rarely find myself down there. At the end of the day, I just don't know what I have to SAY with a paintbrush. I feel sheepish because I just like to paint the light — and as you say, that should be enough! But it doesn't bring as much satisfaction as solving a tricky puzzle in a strategy deck or finishing an essay where I feel like I've created a feeling with my words. I think visual art is hard, and maybe because representation and craft came easily, I wasn't expecting how much I would have to try and think to have a body of work that says something.
How have you found the writing to be as far as an art form? That has been better for me — I have a more clear idea of what I want to say here, and I do get a lot of pleasure from finding ways to play with language to paint.
Your post is making me miss my studio though! Maybe today I will take some time to make a little piece of art. 🫶🏻
Appreciate your candidness on the realities of art and being an artist. I also took time off to explore art and found, too, the realities of obligations and life ended up filling up a lot of the time I wanted to use to make art. I noticed that I still had to fight to end old habits, form new ones, and carve time out in a disciplined manner to make work. It is not the life I want to pursue right now, as I'm still finding myself in an entrepreneurial stage. This might change as I age, but I'm still feeling the draw of working life (not as a working artist). I'm intrigued by your journey!
Something that I’ve found really helpful as I am getting back into writing is to remind myself that I can do this just for myself; it has inherent value just to create, and that I never need to share what I write if I don’t want to. I think as adults we subconsciously (or even consciously?) think things don’t have value if they aren’t earning us money / being shared widely. Since I started to focus on how creating words makes me feel, I just feel freer to enjoy the process and be experimental. I no longer let myself think about whether something is publishable or what I will do with it once it’s done.
After returning to writing more, I have never felt less of a writer than now despite participating in the activity of it all. The fraud feelings creep in heavy. Especially when it comes to craft! I have my degree in English, but it feels like I lost all the muscle I developed when I stopped and got a "regular" job. So I would pick up books on the writing craft, and I don't know that it really helped. But I guess just knowing we work through this and to an extent we all have our own definitions of craft. The journey of art and craft. Thanks for the post today, created some reflections for myself obviously.
I’ve come to think of that feeling of stuckness, that lack of clarity as hallmarks of artistic process. Are there moments where things become more clear? Are there actions that feel like progress? Always. But there is also always the friction and the apparent regression. The forgetting where we are or what it was that we thought we had to say.
I think that’s all part of the art. And as frustrating as it can be, it may be the more interesting part of creative practice to run up against these walls and maybe flail around a bit trying to climb them before realizing that the wall can be the art too.
1. I've never studied a craft but have moderate talent at a few things -- some, but clearly not enough to ever pursue it seriously (both in my own and others' estimations). In that space, I've found freedom, because when I need to process some thoughts or feelings, I often make something that helps me.
Lately I've felt the urge to embroider when I feel something in my head that I need to work through. Sometimes I share it, but honestly, it's for me; I'm the main and only audience that matters to myself, and if anyone else shares their opinion on it or attaches any value to it... it almost angers me? Like, it feels irrelevant, because it wasn't for them. I wonder if there's something there about being an artist vs. a craftsperson where an artist feels like what they're trying to express is not just for themselves, but really does need to connect with a wider audience.
2. And to that point, I wanted to reflect back on you that I very much consider you a writer.
Especially in this newsletter, you write to distill truths that connect with a wider audience, and I think you're very successful in that goal. Consistently in these newsletters, you hit upon something that makes me think and reflect on my own journey. That's something a writer does, and as I've been figuring out my own path this past year or so, your writing has been a welcome voice in that mix -- sometimes as guidance, sometimes as solidarity -- but always with something that connects.
After moving to an apartment closer to my work, I thought I'd have more free time at hand. But somehow I find ways to fill it all up again, and it does take a lot of planning and discipline to carve out time for the things that I want to dedicate time too.
Also, I first thought your painting was a photograph because it looked so real! I love it so much!
The way you've processed your relationship with creating art, I see in my writing practice. I quit my paying job to focus more on my writing. I don't have much more to show for it than when I was still working and writing at the same time. I guess, maybe, a little less stress. When I got to the end of your piece, it reminded me of something I've been processing a lot over the last month, which is ambition. Is my ambition tied to just feeling good in my own skin, to feeling content with who I am, not tied to any achievements, metrics, dashboards, income, etc? Anyway, I sort of took this comment rogue. Your piece was another one that has been making me think about the ambition topic a lot more.
Thank you for opening up so honestly. This reflection is ongoing for me as well. Your post shakes me and comforts me at the same time.
Oh Jenna, this made me want to hold your hand.
I've struggled with the same thing for ages — in school, I had a lot of natural talent and could reproduce what I saw in front of me without even trying. I put it on the back burner to earn money as a designer (which I was horrible at to begin with) and a few years ago started asking myself why I had let my talent "go to waste."
I have a studio space in my house, much more than we had when we lived in Fort Greene, but still I rarely find myself down there. At the end of the day, I just don't know what I have to SAY with a paintbrush. I feel sheepish because I just like to paint the light — and as you say, that should be enough! But it doesn't bring as much satisfaction as solving a tricky puzzle in a strategy deck or finishing an essay where I feel like I've created a feeling with my words. I think visual art is hard, and maybe because representation and craft came easily, I wasn't expecting how much I would have to try and think to have a body of work that says something.
How have you found the writing to be as far as an art form? That has been better for me — I have a more clear idea of what I want to say here, and I do get a lot of pleasure from finding ways to play with language to paint.
Your post is making me miss my studio though! Maybe today I will take some time to make a little piece of art. 🫶🏻
Appreciate your candidness on the realities of art and being an artist. I also took time off to explore art and found, too, the realities of obligations and life ended up filling up a lot of the time I wanted to use to make art. I noticed that I still had to fight to end old habits, form new ones, and carve time out in a disciplined manner to make work. It is not the life I want to pursue right now, as I'm still finding myself in an entrepreneurial stage. This might change as I age, but I'm still feeling the draw of working life (not as a working artist). I'm intrigued by your journey!
Something that I’ve found really helpful as I am getting back into writing is to remind myself that I can do this just for myself; it has inherent value just to create, and that I never need to share what I write if I don’t want to. I think as adults we subconsciously (or even consciously?) think things don’t have value if they aren’t earning us money / being shared widely. Since I started to focus on how creating words makes me feel, I just feel freer to enjoy the process and be experimental. I no longer let myself think about whether something is publishable or what I will do with it once it’s done.
After returning to writing more, I have never felt less of a writer than now despite participating in the activity of it all. The fraud feelings creep in heavy. Especially when it comes to craft! I have my degree in English, but it feels like I lost all the muscle I developed when I stopped and got a "regular" job. So I would pick up books on the writing craft, and I don't know that it really helped. But I guess just knowing we work through this and to an extent we all have our own definitions of craft. The journey of art and craft. Thanks for the post today, created some reflections for myself obviously.
I’ve come to think of that feeling of stuckness, that lack of clarity as hallmarks of artistic process. Are there moments where things become more clear? Are there actions that feel like progress? Always. But there is also always the friction and the apparent regression. The forgetting where we are or what it was that we thought we had to say.
I think that’s all part of the art. And as frustrating as it can be, it may be the more interesting part of creative practice to run up against these walls and maybe flail around a bit trying to climb them before realizing that the wall can be the art too.
Two things:
1. I've never studied a craft but have moderate talent at a few things -- some, but clearly not enough to ever pursue it seriously (both in my own and others' estimations). In that space, I've found freedom, because when I need to process some thoughts or feelings, I often make something that helps me.
Lately I've felt the urge to embroider when I feel something in my head that I need to work through. Sometimes I share it, but honestly, it's for me; I'm the main and only audience that matters to myself, and if anyone else shares their opinion on it or attaches any value to it... it almost angers me? Like, it feels irrelevant, because it wasn't for them. I wonder if there's something there about being an artist vs. a craftsperson where an artist feels like what they're trying to express is not just for themselves, but really does need to connect with a wider audience.
2. And to that point, I wanted to reflect back on you that I very much consider you a writer.
Especially in this newsletter, you write to distill truths that connect with a wider audience, and I think you're very successful in that goal. Consistently in these newsletters, you hit upon something that makes me think and reflect on my own journey. That's something a writer does, and as I've been figuring out my own path this past year or so, your writing has been a welcome voice in that mix -- sometimes as guidance, sometimes as solidarity -- but always with something that connects.
After moving to an apartment closer to my work, I thought I'd have more free time at hand. But somehow I find ways to fill it all up again, and it does take a lot of planning and discipline to carve out time for the things that I want to dedicate time too.
Also, I first thought your painting was a photograph because it looked so real! I love it so much!
The way you've processed your relationship with creating art, I see in my writing practice. I quit my paying job to focus more on my writing. I don't have much more to show for it than when I was still working and writing at the same time. I guess, maybe, a little less stress. When I got to the end of your piece, it reminded me of something I've been processing a lot over the last month, which is ambition. Is my ambition tied to just feeling good in my own skin, to feeling content with who I am, not tied to any achievements, metrics, dashboards, income, etc? Anyway, I sort of took this comment rogue. Your piece was another one that has been making me think about the ambition topic a lot more.