JENNA! Sunday was magic. I had the same feeling as you — finally, proof that I hadn't actually devolved into a bridge-dwelling troll with nothing on the horizon but desperately grabbing at the ankles of anyone who is unlucky enough to walk past me.
I'm struggling with my own upcoming set of posts — last month, I finally figured out a kind of content pattern/schedule that I feel excited about and I'm so proud of the work that came out of it — you would think that would have left me excited to get going this month! But you would be wrong.
This month, we have been in a vortex of different illnesses which began with pink eye and ended with some kind of horrid auto-immune eye problem that stems from being too goddamn sick for too long, and I have really been hoping if I just wait long enough the impulse to write will come back from wherever she went with a breath of fresh air and a chocolate croissant.
I wanted to say how much I enjoyed your descriptive writing here — because you didn't list it as an option. I tend to find that what I subscribe for, and what I end up being willing to pay for (on substack, anyway) is the author's perspective. When you weave a little window that lets me come into your world for a minute. My kid is too little for college yet, but I like hearing what you're going through because it makes me feel a little less alone even though I don't share the specific challenge.
Thanks for pushing through midwinter, here's hoping I can ride the wave too.
Oh, I understand the health stuff. I am dealing with it myself and even though I know it affects everything - my motivation, my outlook, my mood - I'm really annoyed that it does. I hope your health improves soon, just in time for Spring.
And thank you for chiming in about the descriptive writing here. You only get to add 5 options to a poll and I really wanted to add a few more. But limitations are a good thing. Can you imagination if we had access to the ability to add pages-length polls, hahaha.
Is writing like living in new york - if you love it more than you hate it then you should keep doing it? I also remember the need to escape the city and how it sometimes felt like the city was making it as difficult as possible to leave (traffic, train delays, etc etc etc). I hope you get the chance to step outside of city limits and have a breather.
I don't hate writing! It's hard, but stuff that matters is often hard. I am looking for a few days getaway next month as we speak. But it's kinda late and spring break so I dunno what we'll be able to book.
We really are beholden to what happens this month re: college acceptances because we may need to go back and revisit some campuses, so we have to stay flexible. No airplanes for us :(
You're definitely a great writer and amazing artist! You've always been since I first discovered you on SFD. Never stop! Take breaks but don't stop. It's what defines you. It's been a crummy moody day lately and I'm still coughing. It's true, as we get older we just don't give a hoot about what other people think anymore. Maybe I'm just fed up but I'm sure it's okay to express your feelings. To have the freedom. Alot of art openings tonight like at the new Korean Cultural Center, sculptures by John Pai and at the Sugar Hill Children's Museum. Can't wait to view these!
Old blog readers have a special place in my heart, thank you. And yes, I really need to get out of the apartment more. I actually have been, but it somehow still doesn't feel like enough. There is always something to see. Thanks for the reminder.
Thank you Jenna, for including a link to my stuff. It means a lot. Reading this had me thinking why it's hard to call ourselves what we are. Validation and invalidation are all over the place and thoroughly inconsistent. I remember the first time I confidently called myself an artist. This was after devoting everything to it for three years after art school. I had just sold a large piece for $3500 and finally felt justified. But really, that didn't change a thing about whether I was an artist or not. I still struggle with this all these years later, but I realize now that I am what I am and this is something no one can give me and no one can take away. It's the one absolute consistent thing.
"I am what I am and this is something no one can give me and no one can take away. It's the one absolute consistent thing."
God, it's so hard to accept that. I feel like we spend the first half of our lives absolutely sure there is one category that will fit just perfectly and the second half of our lives asking what the hell we were thinking, cramming ourselves into that little box.
I think part of being present in my own experience is understanding that that experience is fluid and that I don’t always have to know everything, I can just be present in the unfolding.
Rene, you are a wonderful writer and am so glad you started. I really wonder if part of it is a generational thing too. I swear, younger people don't have this hesitation to call themselves what they want to be, and what they are, which by the very act that they are doing it, is who they are. I have no idea why we struggle with this and do wonder is there is some generational bullshit baggage.
I think you’re right about that. We seem to carry around this insidious and perpetual self-judgement. I think the freedom of “in the act of doing, thinking, feeling—you are” is such an amazing and beautiful thing.
Oh, this essay really resonates. I was not going to call myself a cartoonist or illustrator until someone paid me to do either of those things. But now I do so simply because I have to call myself something, and it might as well describe a way I actually spend my time. I have also felt that desire to go somewhere, anywhere. A driving trip I took to Montreal with my brother really helped. I know it’s not exciting, but if you want take a little break upstate, we have a small room in a fair amount of disarray that you could stay in!
We were thinking of driving up to Montreal but it is a long road trip and I don't think we can swing it. It's really quite hard to coordinate everyone's schedule now, but we have a rare 4 day overlap next month with the kids. Also, every time we go up to Canada around this time of year it's been wet and freezing! We always have a good time, but I don't think I can do it this time 😂. And thank you for the offer! Whereabouts did you end up settling upstate?
Beacon! It’s pretty wet and muddy still, but it should be pretty when the green starts coming in. (And yeah, wet and freezing but a good time is a perfect description of our recent trip.)
Ah, you're in Beacon. We were just saying that we haven't been to Dia in a while, but we visited a friend there 2 years ago right after we dropped our oldest off at college. That was surreal now that I think about it.
Jenna - this is so relatable, especially in the liminal space. I've been here for about 5 years now, since decided to sell my business. I still have passion and interests, but sometimes I feel like I'm suspended in the air, somewhere between extreme passion and total apathy. I am pretty sure it's primarily perimenopause, but also perhaps leaving behind a career and a brand that totally defined my entire personality and without it, I'm not sure who to be. ❤️ But still we write...
I can only imagine how hard the transition has been, and still is, after running something that was so integral to your identity. I'm feeling it too, closing our biz and leaving my career, but maybe in a slightly different, but also similar way. I do blame a lot of it on perimenopause (or am I in menopause now?) but the fear is that it's something more and I don't want to face *that* reality. I can't even put my finger on why I feel so adrift when I feel excited about certain projects. Sounds like I'm not alone in this. And yes...we write because it's one of the few things that makes me feel like I'm making progress in making sense of any of it.
I think it takes a lot courage and vulnerability to say "So far, 2024 isn’t giving me any joy." when the all the narratives are telling us that the start of a new year is supposed to be good, fresh, and full of hope.
You're definitely a writer, and a very good one. Thank you for sharing your story!
Very thought-provoking and insightful piece Jenna.
Personally, I consider myself a writer and everything I write is both a confession and a struggle to understand things about myself and this world in which I live. This is what everyone’s work should be-whether you dance or paint or sing. It is a confession, a baring of your soul, your faults, those things you simply cannot or will not understand or accept. You stumble forward, confused, and you share. If you’re lucky, you learn something.
Thank you, Pách! I so appreciate the read. I am definitely learning! It still takes courage to put it out there and then suddenly, you have an audience. I know why writing is important to me, but I think the most difficult challenge for me is to not listen to the voice of self-doubt. This can be the most crippling of all.
JENNA! Sunday was magic. I had the same feeling as you — finally, proof that I hadn't actually devolved into a bridge-dwelling troll with nothing on the horizon but desperately grabbing at the ankles of anyone who is unlucky enough to walk past me.
I'm struggling with my own upcoming set of posts — last month, I finally figured out a kind of content pattern/schedule that I feel excited about and I'm so proud of the work that came out of it — you would think that would have left me excited to get going this month! But you would be wrong.
This month, we have been in a vortex of different illnesses which began with pink eye and ended with some kind of horrid auto-immune eye problem that stems from being too goddamn sick for too long, and I have really been hoping if I just wait long enough the impulse to write will come back from wherever she went with a breath of fresh air and a chocolate croissant.
I wanted to say how much I enjoyed your descriptive writing here — because you didn't list it as an option. I tend to find that what I subscribe for, and what I end up being willing to pay for (on substack, anyway) is the author's perspective. When you weave a little window that lets me come into your world for a minute. My kid is too little for college yet, but I like hearing what you're going through because it makes me feel a little less alone even though I don't share the specific challenge.
Thanks for pushing through midwinter, here's hoping I can ride the wave too.
Oh, I understand the health stuff. I am dealing with it myself and even though I know it affects everything - my motivation, my outlook, my mood - I'm really annoyed that it does. I hope your health improves soon, just in time for Spring.
And thank you for chiming in about the descriptive writing here. You only get to add 5 options to a poll and I really wanted to add a few more. But limitations are a good thing. Can you imagination if we had access to the ability to add pages-length polls, hahaha.
❤️
Infinite polls to assess our belonging I am sure!
1) Do you like me?
2) But really, which parts…
3) Please say more.
😂
Is writing like living in new york - if you love it more than you hate it then you should keep doing it? I also remember the need to escape the city and how it sometimes felt like the city was making it as difficult as possible to leave (traffic, train delays, etc etc etc). I hope you get the chance to step outside of city limits and have a breather.
I don't hate writing! It's hard, but stuff that matters is often hard. I am looking for a few days getaway next month as we speak. But it's kinda late and spring break so I dunno what we'll be able to book.
$90 air fare NYC to Miami rn!! (I may have I spent the morning looking for escapes.)
We really are beholden to what happens this month re: college acceptances because we may need to go back and revisit some campuses, so we have to stay flexible. No airplanes for us :(
booooo. But what an exciting moment!!! sending y'all good (reasonable tuition!) vibes.
Dear Jenna,
You're definitely a great writer and amazing artist! You've always been since I first discovered you on SFD. Never stop! Take breaks but don't stop. It's what defines you. It's been a crummy moody day lately and I'm still coughing. It's true, as we get older we just don't give a hoot about what other people think anymore. Maybe I'm just fed up but I'm sure it's okay to express your feelings. To have the freedom. Alot of art openings tonight like at the new Korean Cultural Center, sculptures by John Pai and at the Sugar Hill Children's Museum. Can't wait to view these!
Old blog readers have a special place in my heart, thank you. And yes, I really need to get out of the apartment more. I actually have been, but it somehow still doesn't feel like enough. There is always something to see. Thanks for the reminder.
Thank you Jenna, for including a link to my stuff. It means a lot. Reading this had me thinking why it's hard to call ourselves what we are. Validation and invalidation are all over the place and thoroughly inconsistent. I remember the first time I confidently called myself an artist. This was after devoting everything to it for three years after art school. I had just sold a large piece for $3500 and finally felt justified. But really, that didn't change a thing about whether I was an artist or not. I still struggle with this all these years later, but I realize now that I am what I am and this is something no one can give me and no one can take away. It's the one absolute consistent thing.
"I am what I am and this is something no one can give me and no one can take away. It's the one absolute consistent thing."
God, it's so hard to accept that. I feel like we spend the first half of our lives absolutely sure there is one category that will fit just perfectly and the second half of our lives asking what the hell we were thinking, cramming ourselves into that little box.
Yes, totally true.
I think part of being present in my own experience is understanding that that experience is fluid and that I don’t always have to know everything, I can just be present in the unfolding.
I love that — I think it might be the reason we are all here. To be present in the unfolding.
+1 for me too. I also love "to be present in the unfolding."
Rene, you are a wonderful writer and am so glad you started. I really wonder if part of it is a generational thing too. I swear, younger people don't have this hesitation to call themselves what they want to be, and what they are, which by the very act that they are doing it, is who they are. I have no idea why we struggle with this and do wonder is there is some generational bullshit baggage.
I think you’re right about that. We seem to carry around this insidious and perpetual self-judgement. I think the freedom of “in the act of doing, thinking, feeling—you are” is such an amazing and beautiful thing.
Oh, this essay really resonates. I was not going to call myself a cartoonist or illustrator until someone paid me to do either of those things. But now I do so simply because I have to call myself something, and it might as well describe a way I actually spend my time. I have also felt that desire to go somewhere, anywhere. A driving trip I took to Montreal with my brother really helped. I know it’s not exciting, but if you want take a little break upstate, we have a small room in a fair amount of disarray that you could stay in!
We were thinking of driving up to Montreal but it is a long road trip and I don't think we can swing it. It's really quite hard to coordinate everyone's schedule now, but we have a rare 4 day overlap next month with the kids. Also, every time we go up to Canada around this time of year it's been wet and freezing! We always have a good time, but I don't think I can do it this time 😂. And thank you for the offer! Whereabouts did you end up settling upstate?
Beacon! It’s pretty wet and muddy still, but it should be pretty when the green starts coming in. (And yeah, wet and freezing but a good time is a perfect description of our recent trip.)
Ah, you're in Beacon. We were just saying that we haven't been to Dia in a while, but we visited a friend there 2 years ago right after we dropped our oldest off at college. That was surreal now that I think about it.
Jenna - this is so relatable, especially in the liminal space. I've been here for about 5 years now, since decided to sell my business. I still have passion and interests, but sometimes I feel like I'm suspended in the air, somewhere between extreme passion and total apathy. I am pretty sure it's primarily perimenopause, but also perhaps leaving behind a career and a brand that totally defined my entire personality and without it, I'm not sure who to be. ❤️ But still we write...
I can only imagine how hard the transition has been, and still is, after running something that was so integral to your identity. I'm feeling it too, closing our biz and leaving my career, but maybe in a slightly different, but also similar way. I do blame a lot of it on perimenopause (or am I in menopause now?) but the fear is that it's something more and I don't want to face *that* reality. I can't even put my finger on why I feel so adrift when I feel excited about certain projects. Sounds like I'm not alone in this. And yes...we write because it's one of the few things that makes me feel like I'm making progress in making sense of any of it.
Yes the looming “something more” worrisome. I also hope it’s peri.
All of us OG bloggers seem to be having similar mid-life crises 😂😭
It appears so, seems we're all here writing about it 🫣🤣🤷♀️
I just want to say the girl’s hair on your drawing is amazing! 😻
I think it takes a lot courage and vulnerability to say "So far, 2024 isn’t giving me any joy." when the all the narratives are telling us that the start of a new year is supposed to be good, fresh, and full of hope.
You're definitely a writer, and a very good one. Thank you for sharing your story!
Thank you Yuezhong. I hope 2024 is going alright for you, at least! ❤️
A chat I’d like to be in would be about transitions. Just transitions, any kind.
Hell yeah! Congrats on owning it.
Very thought-provoking and insightful piece Jenna.
Personally, I consider myself a writer and everything I write is both a confession and a struggle to understand things about myself and this world in which I live. This is what everyone’s work should be-whether you dance or paint or sing. It is a confession, a baring of your soul, your faults, those things you simply cannot or will not understand or accept. You stumble forward, confused, and you share. If you’re lucky, you learn something.
Thank you, Pách! I so appreciate the read. I am definitely learning! It still takes courage to put it out there and then suddenly, you have an audience. I know why writing is important to me, but I think the most difficult challenge for me is to not listen to the voice of self-doubt. This can be the most crippling of all.