This moved me to tears. I'm not quite there yet, my eldest is only 14, and the college experience is a bit different where I'm from (I'm French). But I can imagine how hard it will be when my kids leave the nest permanently. Thank you for sharing your experience with such beautiful words.
I don't have this kind of relationship with my mom (though I'm sure she must have felt some, if not all, of this when I left), so this was really beautiful to read.
Thanks Kirin. I *think* our relationships with our moms were different back then. I don't know if it's true or not, but it does feel like it because I've wondered the same.
Totally weird time, Louise. Today is the day after and it feels worse today than when we dropped her off. I expect it's going to be weird like this for awhile.
It's so hard. I remember being caught off guard at how sharply upsetting it was and how long it lasted. And also their uncertainty mixed with excitement. Sending you love.
❤️ Omfg. Now I’m crying. Love you. When we had our rose garden and thrifting day, I told her you were going to be a hot mess no matter how level-headed or busy getting things crossed off the list you seemed. She nodded and smiled. She already knew. xo
😂 I wish I could've been a fly on the wall of that conversation. Unexpectantly, I'm not as much of a hot mess as I thought. Not yet anyway. I was distracted by some work today so I reserve my right to be a hot mess when that surfaces. 😬
When I left my son at uni the first year I couldn’t talk for most of the 5 hour drive home. Then leaving my daughter at her uni hits me for six each time and the ‘lost’ feeling stays for days. It takes ages to get used to having no kids at home- the cooking for 2 instead of 4, the groceries, the ‘what do I do tonight’ instead of running kids to dance or work.
There will be so many adjustments that I haven't considered yet. Food aside and the fact that we'll probably rarely eat at the table anymore, just less laundry, less school stuff to pay attention to, etc. I think my biggest challenge is the loneliness during the day. That's going to be tough.
Sending a virtual hug your way. Though I am not able to experience this bittersweet milestone, I know it's heart aching. A number of people I know have entered this season, and I have felt like I can't honestly share my thoughts for fear of being accused of diverting attention away, and dismissing what everyone is feeling. But in short, my heart aches in a different way. I read this post, the comments, I see the pictures on Insta people share, and I am filled with envy because mine will never leave for college, I will never experience this unique mix of deep gut wistfulness, pride, and awe, and all that it signifies. She will never leave our home or our side until we die. Sounds dramatic, but that's the truth when your (young adult) child has a special need. I'll stop here. Just wanted to send a virtual hug and thank you for sharing your vulnerability with us. I look forward to reading how you navigate your next steps.
My heart aches for you too. And although it is not something I have experienced, I can fully acknowledge that it's a different kind of heartache and it must be so tough this time of year to see these kinds of posts. I am sorry, and I send you big hugs.
I barely remember these years now that my boys have been out on their own for 9 and 6 yrs respectively. I do remember the pain in those first few months though. You'll be fine soon. You'll find your own rhythm, and they'll still need you. Things will never be the same again; but then you'll have this new life and relationship as adults to form, and it's pretty cool. Sending you virtual hug...
Beautiful read. Not being a parent, I can't experience the same emotions, but I can empathize with the humanity of it all, namely the leaving/transitional part of what you and others are experiencing.
It might be too soon, but have you thought about what you're going to do with that room? That would probably be the first thing I'd think about once my fictional kid is off to college or whatever life experience they'd be off to.
Tim, so funny that you ask about the room. I’m guessing that most parents, myself included, just leave the rooms intact for quite a while. Kids do come back for breaks and inbetween semesters and sometimes it feels like they never left, and then you have to say goodbye every time. But I’ve encouraged each kid to use this opportunity to purge and I might use their tables for projects.
My girlfriend kept her daughter’s two adjoining rooms intact for her (she graduated from Pitt this year) and that’s been a good thing, honestly. Whenever she came back on breaks, she still had her space for herself and her friends, which I think is important. She’s at home now, applying for various things and trying to figure out what’s next.
I think it’s good that she has this space and great relationship with her mother, so there’s no reason for her to go anywhere until she finds a job that she can sustain herself on.
I fully expect at least one of my kids to come home after graduation. The job market is super weird right now and I don't know how anybody can afford to live in NY even if they get any kind of entry level job here.
It's so bad right now. To make matters worse, there's the phenomenon of "ghost jobs" (listings for jobs that companies have no intention of filling) that's been around for a bit, but is just now getting attention because of how bad the job market seems to be.
Oh yeah. I know about ghost jobs. I've never seen a job market like this. I don't know if it's actually worse than the dot com crash, but it feels like it because it's not just my industry struggling right now. I'm hoping it's election uncertainty and that things will get better after the election.
My son had finished uni and decided to continue living away, one weekend when my daughter had been away to visit him, we came home to find my husband had turned his bedroom into a library! It still has a day bed so he does have somewhere to sleep on the rare occasions he does come home, and is a big reader so a library is still a him thing!!! I don’t want to turn my daughter’s room into anything!
😮 Although, a library sounds nice if you had to turn a room into anything! I live in NYC so space is at a premium so it's tempting, but yes. Probably going to leave the rooms as is.
Marc, I read your daycare newsletter earlier this week. And yes, there are parallels on both ends because it feels like as soon as they are in schools or daycare, we are preparing our kids for launch and an inevitable separation from us. It feels surreal when you think about parenting from that perspective.
Hard to even believe one day I’ll be wishing him off to college. I can’t imagine what it’s been like to be holding your child in one season and in the next they are off on their own. Realizing it doesn’t ever get easier. Just.. different ?
Mine leaves on Sunday. Thanks for giving us the words to express how we’re all feeling.
Sending big hugs ❤️
Feeing for you, Jenna! I will be there all too soon.
Thanks Susannah. Hold these years close.
😭😭😭❤️
😢
This moved me to tears. I'm not quite there yet, my eldest is only 14, and the college experience is a bit different where I'm from (I'm French). But I can imagine how hard it will be when my kids leave the nest permanently. Thank you for sharing your experience with such beautiful words.
Thank you for reading Clarisse. Appreciate the comment here.
I don't have this kind of relationship with my mom (though I'm sure she must have felt some, if not all, of this when I left), so this was really beautiful to read.
Thanks Kirin. I *think* our relationships with our moms were different back then. I don't know if it's true or not, but it does feel like it because I've wondered the same.
♥️
Oh, this made me cry. I did this drive last year after dropping my eldest son at Uni and I'll be doing it again this year with my youngest son.
It's such a weird, emotional rollercoaster of a time. Thank you for articulating it so clearly Jenna.
Totally weird time, Louise. Today is the day after and it feels worse today than when we dropped her off. I expect it's going to be weird like this for awhile.
It's so hard. I remember being caught off guard at how sharply upsetting it was and how long it lasted. And also their uncertainty mixed with excitement. Sending you love.
Thanks, Jeanne. So many feelings, yeah. I found myself puttering around the apt a lot lol.
❤️ Omfg. Now I’m crying. Love you. When we had our rose garden and thrifting day, I told her you were going to be a hot mess no matter how level-headed or busy getting things crossed off the list you seemed. She nodded and smiled. She already knew. xo
😂 I wish I could've been a fly on the wall of that conversation. Unexpectantly, I'm not as much of a hot mess as I thought. Not yet anyway. I was distracted by some work today so I reserve my right to be a hot mess when that surfaces. 😬
When I left my son at uni the first year I couldn’t talk for most of the 5 hour drive home. Then leaving my daughter at her uni hits me for six each time and the ‘lost’ feeling stays for days. It takes ages to get used to having no kids at home- the cooking for 2 instead of 4, the groceries, the ‘what do I do tonight’ instead of running kids to dance or work.
I don’t know if I will ever get used to it!
There will be so many adjustments that I haven't considered yet. Food aside and the fact that we'll probably rarely eat at the table anymore, just less laundry, less school stuff to pay attention to, etc. I think my biggest challenge is the loneliness during the day. That's going to be tough.
Sending a virtual hug your way. Though I am not able to experience this bittersweet milestone, I know it's heart aching. A number of people I know have entered this season, and I have felt like I can't honestly share my thoughts for fear of being accused of diverting attention away, and dismissing what everyone is feeling. But in short, my heart aches in a different way. I read this post, the comments, I see the pictures on Insta people share, and I am filled with envy because mine will never leave for college, I will never experience this unique mix of deep gut wistfulness, pride, and awe, and all that it signifies. She will never leave our home or our side until we die. Sounds dramatic, but that's the truth when your (young adult) child has a special need. I'll stop here. Just wanted to send a virtual hug and thank you for sharing your vulnerability with us. I look forward to reading how you navigate your next steps.
My heart aches for you too. And although it is not something I have experienced, I can fully acknowledge that it's a different kind of heartache and it must be so tough this time of year to see these kinds of posts. I am sorry, and I send you big hugs.
I barely remember these years now that my boys have been out on their own for 9 and 6 yrs respectively. I do remember the pain in those first few months though. You'll be fine soon. You'll find your own rhythm, and they'll still need you. Things will never be the same again; but then you'll have this new life and relationship as adults to form, and it's pretty cool. Sending you virtual hug...
Thanks Jade. Yeah, I know I'll be fine. Just takes time...
Thank you for sharing. Having this really poignant post makes me think of how I'll make the most of the next two years.
🥰
Beautiful read. Not being a parent, I can't experience the same emotions, but I can empathize with the humanity of it all, namely the leaving/transitional part of what you and others are experiencing.
It might be too soon, but have you thought about what you're going to do with that room? That would probably be the first thing I'd think about once my fictional kid is off to college or whatever life experience they'd be off to.
Tim, so funny that you ask about the room. I’m guessing that most parents, myself included, just leave the rooms intact for quite a while. Kids do come back for breaks and inbetween semesters and sometimes it feels like they never left, and then you have to say goodbye every time. But I’ve encouraged each kid to use this opportunity to purge and I might use their tables for projects.
My girlfriend kept her daughter’s two adjoining rooms intact for her (she graduated from Pitt this year) and that’s been a good thing, honestly. Whenever she came back on breaks, she still had her space for herself and her friends, which I think is important. She’s at home now, applying for various things and trying to figure out what’s next.
I think it’s good that she has this space and great relationship with her mother, so there’s no reason for her to go anywhere until she finds a job that she can sustain herself on.
I fully expect at least one of my kids to come home after graduation. The job market is super weird right now and I don't know how anybody can afford to live in NY even if they get any kind of entry level job here.
It's so bad right now. To make matters worse, there's the phenomenon of "ghost jobs" (listings for jobs that companies have no intention of filling) that's been around for a bit, but is just now getting attention because of how bad the job market seems to be.
Oh yeah. I know about ghost jobs. I've never seen a job market like this. I don't know if it's actually worse than the dot com crash, but it feels like it because it's not just my industry struggling right now. I'm hoping it's election uncertainty and that things will get better after the election.
My son had finished uni and decided to continue living away, one weekend when my daughter had been away to visit him, we came home to find my husband had turned his bedroom into a library! It still has a day bed so he does have somewhere to sleep on the rare occasions he does come home, and is a big reader so a library is still a him thing!!! I don’t want to turn my daughter’s room into anything!
😮 Although, a library sounds nice if you had to turn a room into anything! I live in NYC so space is at a premium so it's tempting, but yes. Probably going to leave the rooms as is.
Jenna, I’m on the other side of this. This week I wrote about my son starting day care. The feelings, my goodness, feel the same as yours.
Marc, I read your daycare newsletter earlier this week. And yes, there are parallels on both ends because it feels like as soon as they are in schools or daycare, we are preparing our kids for launch and an inevitable separation from us. It feels surreal when you think about parenting from that perspective.
Hard to even believe one day I’ll be wishing him off to college. I can’t imagine what it’s been like to be holding your child in one season and in the next they are off on their own. Realizing it doesn’t ever get easier. Just.. different ?
It does not. Currently, I am not coping well today. 😬 It's very up and down.
This was beautiful, Jenna. With two teens who will both be in high school this year, I now see how this parenting phase goes by too fast.
Thanks for reading, Lia, and cherish these years.