Thank you for sharing this, and I'm sorry for the diagnosis you received. I wish and pray for the best for you despite the difficulties that you must be grappling with.
Thank you. We go through much of life thinking that stress is a normal part of life—and it is, and unavoidable, but we don't really have a grasp on how much chronic stress affects so many parts of our lives and well-being.
How wonderful you were able to share your truth, dear Jenna. That must have been very difficult. I hope you also find that sharing your story liberates you somewhat. I know from experience how hard it can be to manage chronic illness and also the perceptions of others, let alone our own disappointment in ourselves. I have slowly learned that there is beauty in every kid of life, not just the go-getter version I used to live. Through your eloquent writing, you have reminded me how much joy and beauty can be found in nature and animals. New York is not always a place that values a slower pace of life, but other places do.
I'm sorry to hear you suffer from a chronic illness yourself, Mary. This has definitely been an important process in gaining self acceptance. Maybe it's unrealistic to expect that we remain the version of ourselves that we're used to for the entirety of our lives. It's humbling, that's for sure!
I’m so sorry to hear this, Jenna. Thank you for sharing, it helps me and others with chronic illness to feel less alone. I’ve resorted to ChatGPT to put together a plan, because I have five different doctors and no central person who looks at the whole picture. Hugs to you!
Sorry to hear about your chronic illness too, Maya. So many of us navigating this. And yes! I've been using ChapGPT to explain all my lab reports and imaging findings. Never thought that this would be such a useful way to use it, but it has. Funny, isn't it?
Second, it’s absolutely okay for you to be fucking LIVID about the fact that your body is seemingly betraying you, and also, a little light, expensive medical gaslighting is THE WORST. Is it any wonder that people (men, doctors) look at us with fear when we’re absolutely, righteously FURIOUS about American society’s lack of giving a shit about us?!?!? “Why are you so angry all the time??” “Uh, dude, where would you like me to start????” We’ve been conditioned to Do It All so we can Have It All, and it’s just wrong. Wrong for us physically, mentally, and emotionally, and the wrong message to give to significant others and our children. What a shock that so many of us are ending up with lupus, undiagnosed cancers, and major physical breakdowns. (/sarcasm) Sigh.
Third, sending you loads of love and healing energy. I’m glad you’re remembering to look for joy and ease. In the current political climate, feeling joy and ease is practically guilt inducing. So much is wrong, but if we don’t focus on the good and the flourishing, we might as well all just jump off a cliff together. I’ve been putting off writing a post because I find it hard to write about the mundane when the world is on fire, and so many people are writing about what’s going on and what we need to be doing… and it’s overwhelming. But if we don’t write about how we’re coping and where we’re finding the light, the world becomes too dark. I have to continually remind myself that it’s okay to smile and laugh and flourish.
Kris, definitely going through lots of phases and feelings here. Some days when I feel ok I start believing that yeah...maybe some of it's been in my head. And other days I get angry because NO! The pain and discomfort I'm feeling is real. Doctors haven't been very useful in treatment and I sort of get it—the main purpose of all these tests was to eliminate cancer and other diseases. But when that's been eliminated (and yes, very fortunate), then what? I have found my occupational therapist a lot more helpful in that regard.
I understand the impulse on pausing the writing because there's a lot of noise out there. However, your individual perspective is unique. Keep writing!
I want to write something touching and sensitive but my brain is failing me. I also have a chronic issue and the amount of stress, both personal and our country's, that we endure daily worries me so much that I swear I can feel it in my brain. And that in itself worries me! I just want to say that I hope you find relief.
Oh the politics and the state of our country is definitely not helping. I had to stop looking at news and going on social media during the last flare up a few weeks ago. I'm still largely off it, for the most part. It triggers all of my issues!
‘Resiliency is a word that I’ve since come to resent because once you prove you can bounce back again and again, it becomes less of a possibility and more of an obligation.’
This is HUGE for me, Jenna, and the precision of your words just makes the pain of it all the more validated.
Aka, the competency trap, I continually feel the pressure to repeat myself, to repeat my ‘capability’ through extreme trial. It’s a tough road, boy… especially with any amount of ambition involved. Sharing love 💞
Exactly Bree. Especially when you are THAT person in the family. The burden to always find a way to claw back can be exactly that—a burden, because everyone relies on you, including yourself. Sometimes I just want to wallow in self pity lol.
Oh, Ma... me too, me tooooo. But when we wallow, our people panic, and that's nearly worse than our resiliency being taken for granted. Sigh. Here's to wallowing in the closet with the lights off
Stress scares me exactly for this reason. I do what I can to keep it at bay, but some days it's more than I can handle. Wishing you peace and sending healing energy your way. 💛
Anja, I've seen from social media how hard a toll taking care of your mother has been. I'm really sorry you are going through all of this. It is such a hard, tough road and I hope you are finding support systems. Be gentle with yourself. Caretaker burnout is so real and dangerous.
Thank you, Jenna. It's rough, especially because it's just me, and I don't have a support system focused on caregivers; it's not that common here. But I'm doing my best to rest when needed.
Thank you for sharing your story and about your diagnosis. When my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer at 47, and had a subsequent stroke, my hair turned gray in 2 months and I suddenly had high blood pressure. Which has yet to go away 2.5 years after his passing.
As women, we are expected to do it all and our health concerns are not taken seriously. Which makes it even more difficult as try to unravel all of the issues affecting us so we can advocate for our health.
Please know I'll be thinking about you, while working to manage my own stress from my little part of the world.
Oh Lisa, that is hard and I'm really sorry for your loss. I am sure that my head of gray hair was excelerated from the past 5 – 10 years. I have to work really hard to manage my stress and all my numbers. Stress is the biggest trigger for me and I hold all my stress in the area impacted. I wish you continues healing ❤️🩹
“but who even am I now? There’s room to grieve the person you once were, as long as you can love the person you are now. “ ~. I so get that; well said.
I felt a lot of this within me. The chronic illness, advocating for myself, stress and illness and how unraveling it all is stressful in itself and brings on more illness. And letting go of that old self that was an achiever that our society very much celebrates. Anything else feels like I’m a loser even though I know that’s not the truth but I can’t somehow kick that thinking inside. Someone help me rewire these deep rooted beliefs!
Hey Stephanie, I know you've been struggling also. Yeah, the circular cycle of stress making the illness worse is so hard to deal with. The mental struggle of letting go sometimes feels harder than any physical pain. What a process. But glad to make any steps forward. I hope you're doing ok these days.
First of all, I am so sorry you’re going through all this. It is unfair. Something that struck me while reading was your feeling that you should be able to deal with everything. I run across this a lot, in myself also. Feeling like, if some burden is heaped upon you, you should be able to “just deal with it”. But where do we draw the line? You mentioned not being able to work a full time job, and it made me step outside of my mind and think about what a full time job has become, at least in tech/UX, which is a precarious situation in which we are either doing the work of two people as our employers dump product management responsibilities into our role, or eliminating our roles altogether as they build UX responsibilities into the PM role or just figure we should somehow be way more productive. I don’t think you should beat yourself up at all for not feeling up to it. It’s awful. I’m looking for a way out myself.
And of course I don’t know, because you can only live in one moment time, but I feel like it wasn’t always like this.
It is such a ripoff that technology seems to be making everything more stressful, because as we see the speed of machines, we compare ourselves to the speed of machines, and we are pushed to absorb life and perform duties at the speed of machines. I don’t think we’re built for it.
Hi Jackie, as far as UX and tech goes, I couldn't have had better timing than now to step away. I only keep up with the industry by word of mouth and whatever I come across on social media and yeah, things feel grim if what I'm reading is representative of what's happening in the industry (and other industries).
When I said I sometimes feel like a failure it's not because I'm mourning the loss of being a designer. I'm happy to be out, actually. I can't afford to say no to freelance when it comes around, but things have slowed way down this year after working a few intensive projects last year. BUT, I notice that my condition gets worse with work stress so I've had to make a trade off. So the failure part is really because I have more free time than I've ever had when I juggled a job with freelance and a business and small kids. Now, I still can't seem to get any focus to do anything else meaningful in my life, aside from writing this newsletter. I just can't wrap my head around that. It's never been an issue for me. Where's my motivation and drive? I don't know! That is the frustrating part that I'm struggling with. Accepting this chronic illness as part of my life is helping me to reconcile that, however.
I have a similar narrative and am 12 years post diagnosis, so hopefully my comment will be hopeful, but for now I’m going to sit with your essay… because I need to sit with your essay 🙂 (or I may not comment here…)
Thank you for sharing this, and I'm sorry for the diagnosis you received. I wish and pray for the best for you despite the difficulties that you must be grappling with.
Chaila
Thank you Chaila. Appreciate hearing from you.
Thank you so much for sharing. These conversations about stress are so crucial! Beautifully written. ❤️ I hope you continue to find remission.
Thank you. We go through much of life thinking that stress is a normal part of life—and it is, and unavoidable, but we don't really have a grasp on how much chronic stress affects so many parts of our lives and well-being.
How wonderful you were able to share your truth, dear Jenna. That must have been very difficult. I hope you also find that sharing your story liberates you somewhat. I know from experience how hard it can be to manage chronic illness and also the perceptions of others, let alone our own disappointment in ourselves. I have slowly learned that there is beauty in every kid of life, not just the go-getter version I used to live. Through your eloquent writing, you have reminded me how much joy and beauty can be found in nature and animals. New York is not always a place that values a slower pace of life, but other places do.
I'm sorry to hear you suffer from a chronic illness yourself, Mary. This has definitely been an important process in gaining self acceptance. Maybe it's unrealistic to expect that we remain the version of ourselves that we're used to for the entirety of our lives. It's humbling, that's for sure!
Remember how much life changed after childbirth? This is another big upheaval that can also lessen with time. Keep well, my friend.
I do remember! 💕
I’m so sorry to hear this, Jenna. Thank you for sharing, it helps me and others with chronic illness to feel less alone. I’ve resorted to ChatGPT to put together a plan, because I have five different doctors and no central person who looks at the whole picture. Hugs to you!
Sorry to hear about your chronic illness too, Maya. So many of us navigating this. And yes! I've been using ChapGPT to explain all my lab reports and imaging findings. Never thought that this would be such a useful way to use it, but it has. Funny, isn't it?
First of all, thank you for sharing this with us.
Second, it’s absolutely okay for you to be fucking LIVID about the fact that your body is seemingly betraying you, and also, a little light, expensive medical gaslighting is THE WORST. Is it any wonder that people (men, doctors) look at us with fear when we’re absolutely, righteously FURIOUS about American society’s lack of giving a shit about us?!?!? “Why are you so angry all the time??” “Uh, dude, where would you like me to start????” We’ve been conditioned to Do It All so we can Have It All, and it’s just wrong. Wrong for us physically, mentally, and emotionally, and the wrong message to give to significant others and our children. What a shock that so many of us are ending up with lupus, undiagnosed cancers, and major physical breakdowns. (/sarcasm) Sigh.
Third, sending you loads of love and healing energy. I’m glad you’re remembering to look for joy and ease. In the current political climate, feeling joy and ease is practically guilt inducing. So much is wrong, but if we don’t focus on the good and the flourishing, we might as well all just jump off a cliff together. I’ve been putting off writing a post because I find it hard to write about the mundane when the world is on fire, and so many people are writing about what’s going on and what we need to be doing… and it’s overwhelming. But if we don’t write about how we’re coping and where we’re finding the light, the world becomes too dark. I have to continually remind myself that it’s okay to smile and laugh and flourish.
Hugs! 💙 ~Kris
Kris, definitely going through lots of phases and feelings here. Some days when I feel ok I start believing that yeah...maybe some of it's been in my head. And other days I get angry because NO! The pain and discomfort I'm feeling is real. Doctors haven't been very useful in treatment and I sort of get it—the main purpose of all these tests was to eliminate cancer and other diseases. But when that's been eliminated (and yes, very fortunate), then what? I have found my occupational therapist a lot more helpful in that regard.
I understand the impulse on pausing the writing because there's a lot of noise out there. However, your individual perspective is unique. Keep writing!
I want to write something touching and sensitive but my brain is failing me. I also have a chronic issue and the amount of stress, both personal and our country's, that we endure daily worries me so much that I swear I can feel it in my brain. And that in itself worries me! I just want to say that I hope you find relief.
Oh the politics and the state of our country is definitely not helping. I had to stop looking at news and going on social media during the last flare up a few weeks ago. I'm still largely off it, for the most part. It triggers all of my issues!
Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing this, Jenna. I am sending all of the positive energy out into the universe for you.
Benjamin
Thanks Benjamin. I believe you're going through some stuff yourself. Sending you back all the healing energy right back at you. ✨
I am, and I truly appreciate it. ✨🫶🏼
Stress is the worst. Glad you are listening to your body, and sending hope for more good days than bad!
☺️ Thanks, Jonathan.
‘Resiliency is a word that I’ve since come to resent because once you prove you can bounce back again and again, it becomes less of a possibility and more of an obligation.’
This is HUGE for me, Jenna, and the precision of your words just makes the pain of it all the more validated.
Aka, the competency trap, I continually feel the pressure to repeat myself, to repeat my ‘capability’ through extreme trial. It’s a tough road, boy… especially with any amount of ambition involved. Sharing love 💞
Exactly Bree. Especially when you are THAT person in the family. The burden to always find a way to claw back can be exactly that—a burden, because everyone relies on you, including yourself. Sometimes I just want to wallow in self pity lol.
Oh, Ma... me too, me tooooo. But when we wallow, our people panic, and that's nearly worse than our resiliency being taken for granted. Sigh. Here's to wallowing in the closet with the lights off
We can wallow together 😅
Bet! 😆
Stress scares me exactly for this reason. I do what I can to keep it at bay, but some days it's more than I can handle. Wishing you peace and sending healing energy your way. 💛
Anja, I've seen from social media how hard a toll taking care of your mother has been. I'm really sorry you are going through all of this. It is such a hard, tough road and I hope you are finding support systems. Be gentle with yourself. Caretaker burnout is so real and dangerous.
Thank you, Jenna. It's rough, especially because it's just me, and I don't have a support system focused on caregivers; it's not that common here. But I'm doing my best to rest when needed.
Big love to you Anja.
Thank you for sharing your story and about your diagnosis. When my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer at 47, and had a subsequent stroke, my hair turned gray in 2 months and I suddenly had high blood pressure. Which has yet to go away 2.5 years after his passing.
As women, we are expected to do it all and our health concerns are not taken seriously. Which makes it even more difficult as try to unravel all of the issues affecting us so we can advocate for our health.
Please know I'll be thinking about you, while working to manage my own stress from my little part of the world.
Oh Lisa, that is hard and I'm really sorry for your loss. I am sure that my head of gray hair was excelerated from the past 5 – 10 years. I have to work really hard to manage my stress and all my numbers. Stress is the biggest trigger for me and I hold all my stress in the area impacted. I wish you continues healing ❤️🩹
“but who even am I now? There’s room to grieve the person you once were, as long as you can love the person you are now. “ ~. I so get that; well said.
❤️
I felt a lot of this within me. The chronic illness, advocating for myself, stress and illness and how unraveling it all is stressful in itself and brings on more illness. And letting go of that old self that was an achiever that our society very much celebrates. Anything else feels like I’m a loser even though I know that’s not the truth but I can’t somehow kick that thinking inside. Someone help me rewire these deep rooted beliefs!
Hey Stephanie, I know you've been struggling also. Yeah, the circular cycle of stress making the illness worse is so hard to deal with. The mental struggle of letting go sometimes feels harder than any physical pain. What a process. But glad to make any steps forward. I hope you're doing ok these days.
First of all, I am so sorry you’re going through all this. It is unfair. Something that struck me while reading was your feeling that you should be able to deal with everything. I run across this a lot, in myself also. Feeling like, if some burden is heaped upon you, you should be able to “just deal with it”. But where do we draw the line? You mentioned not being able to work a full time job, and it made me step outside of my mind and think about what a full time job has become, at least in tech/UX, which is a precarious situation in which we are either doing the work of two people as our employers dump product management responsibilities into our role, or eliminating our roles altogether as they build UX responsibilities into the PM role or just figure we should somehow be way more productive. I don’t think you should beat yourself up at all for not feeling up to it. It’s awful. I’m looking for a way out myself.
And of course I don’t know, because you can only live in one moment time, but I feel like it wasn’t always like this.
It is such a ripoff that technology seems to be making everything more stressful, because as we see the speed of machines, we compare ourselves to the speed of machines, and we are pushed to absorb life and perform duties at the speed of machines. I don’t think we’re built for it.
Hi Jackie, as far as UX and tech goes, I couldn't have had better timing than now to step away. I only keep up with the industry by word of mouth and whatever I come across on social media and yeah, things feel grim if what I'm reading is representative of what's happening in the industry (and other industries).
When I said I sometimes feel like a failure it's not because I'm mourning the loss of being a designer. I'm happy to be out, actually. I can't afford to say no to freelance when it comes around, but things have slowed way down this year after working a few intensive projects last year. BUT, I notice that my condition gets worse with work stress so I've had to make a trade off. So the failure part is really because I have more free time than I've ever had when I juggled a job with freelance and a business and small kids. Now, I still can't seem to get any focus to do anything else meaningful in my life, aside from writing this newsletter. I just can't wrap my head around that. It's never been an issue for me. Where's my motivation and drive? I don't know! That is the frustrating part that I'm struggling with. Accepting this chronic illness as part of my life is helping me to reconcile that, however.
So sorry you are going through so much, Jenna. Your piece is a good reminder to myself to listen to those inexplicable things in my body, too.
Yes. Grace, listen to your body! 🫶
I have a similar narrative and am 12 years post diagnosis, so hopefully my comment will be hopeful, but for now I’m going to sit with your essay… because I need to sit with your essay 🙂 (or I may not comment here…)
How wonderfully ambiguous 😂