I am terrified by just the prospect of hearing "this isn't high school color class anymore" from another artist! So much of making art is about endurance and nourishment as we keep forging a path towards our center. I keep discovering how much the path of being an artist is a spiral, not a clean linear trajectory. The same lessons present themselves in different forms and hopefully each time we'll have learned a little more to be able to respond with gentleness and continued dedication. In that sense being an artist is much like being a human, and that's the best gift art gives us IMO—getting us in touch with our humanity. I think it's fantastic that you are clear that money is a distraction to your art—that alone is something our ego can get really hung up about!
I remember exactly where we were standing, what she looked like, everything about that moment!! Being an artist is indeed a spiral. I don't think I've carved a straight line to anything in my adult life! Regarding the money part, I feel like these days we are so conditioned to make money off our hobbies—because we can and it's much easier to do—and I've operated that way for years. I still think it's a possibility, but clearing that away for now, however long it might take, feels like it's allowing for a more authentic journey.
So fascinating and illuminating!! My kid is a remarkable self-taught artist. Ever since middle school, people have said, “so, art school?” Or “you should sell your art.” They resisted it, wanting to keep their art firmly planted in the “joy” category. This is not to say art-making for money can’t be joyous, but not for them, not right now. I’m proud of them for knowing themselves like that. They’re going thru some challenges right now, and I’m so grateful they have their art as a refuge.
Same with my kid! And she has no interest in art school, though I really want her to take some art classes in college (despite what I wrote, I have no regrets and I do think it was all valuable). I saw her go down the path I was and steered her towards a more academic high school after going to an arts heavy middle school. Art was definitely a refuge for my kid too during Covid. Glad to hear yours has a similar mindset.
Interesting..I'm starting to think about these issues. My 9 year old is quite good at drawing (better than me in cartooning)...but it's a hard profession, and only going to get harder.
My kid is also just way better than me when I was that age (and now, considering I feel stunted!). It is a hard profession, but also more possible in a lot of ways because of the internet. The said, I don't think you need to go to art school to be an artist anymore. If it is about connections, you can do that on social media. Also, I think stand alone art schools like I attended are becoming a bit like old relics. Kids who are studying art are choosing to be art majors at universities and liberal art colleges, which I think is so interesting and also smart! Depending on where my kid gets in (yes, we are doing dreaded college apps) she might minor in art (and major in science or maybe even math!)
My young adult kid faced the same conundrum and has come to a similar conclusion. There’s so much pressure at their ages. Those forks in the road feel so permanent. Perhaps now more than ever, that’s not the case. Plus, skills and passions can cross over in surprising ways. And I agree, Asha — “art as a refuge” is another beneficial way they can keep art in their lives.
The creator economy merges art and money right out of the gate, with the extra madness of social media algorithms. This creates incredible opportunity, but can also be confusing. I try to comfort myself with the knowledge that young adulthood is just confusing, period, in its own era-specific ways, and the best advice I can keep giving (and trying to follow) is: trust your inner guidance. Follow what's alive in you. One day at a time.
Thank you for sharing your artwork and your musings on your practice, Jenna. I have no drawing skills whatsoever, but from a writing point of view, I can see that whilst I've tried many forms of writing over the years, now that I have gained more education and practice, I see that my strengths have always remained very similar. Whilst I woud love to be a talented novellist, for example, I'm beginning to accept that there is still beauty and art in crafting a good sentence, or researching someone else's story and bringing it to light. I think as I get older, accepting my creative strengths for what they are and the fact that I may never be rich from them is the way go!
Absolutely! I don't know how novelists do it! I have so much respect for writers who can craft stories, but there is so much value to bringing stories to light. I think if we can celebrate our strengths as well as our limitations, we can be more content as creatives.
I like to call myself as a “creative” (artist is too high falutin' for me)... but the idea of making fiction seems impossible to my brain, not even flash! Maybe I should call myself a "descriptive"....
Did you see the Ruth Asawa show at the Whitney? I love that it’s all about her drawing practice. My favorite are her drawings of flowers. You are so incredibly talented! I think you might really like that show.
I haven't yet! I was waiting to go with my kid, but she's actually going with her school on a field trip so I guess I will go soon. Yes, I love her flower drawings!
Thank you so much for writing this. In so many ways it feels like I could have written it myself. It’s so hard to keep going when you’re so hung up on the “what.” Being able to draw very well, but not as well as you’d like. Being afraid to draw for fear of disappointing myself again, or for having to choose a subject. Anyway, I feel less alone after reading this. Thank you for that. :) Can’t wait to see what else you make!
Oh yes. I have all of that. I went to a cafe yesterday with my kid and tried to sketch for the first time in forever in a sketchbook. It was soooo hard??! Like even a sketchbook is meant to quick gestures, observation, and just play, but I felt so much pressure 😂
I resonate so much with what you wrote -- I went to art school and graduated with a degree in design. But those four years sucked everything I loved about art out of me (I could probably write a few posts about it lol, art school kids are a different breed). I didn't pick up a pencil again for almost 10 years. And every time I did, I felt frustrated because my art was stuck at where my last attempt was. I may have grown mentally since but my skills did not. Now I try to frame it as play -- with little to no expectations on myself. It makes hitting flow state easier, and that's usually when I'll like my work the best too, when I'm not trying to 'try'. Can't wait to read more of your journey!
Alice, thanks so much for your comment and so interesting you experienced the same. And yes, art school kids might very well be a different breed 😂. Curious - did you become a designer after you graduated with a design degree? When I was in art school for 3 years, I ran away from any class that even resembled a design class, only to end up being a ... designer haha!
I loved when you said "I think about my most prolific period in high school when art was purely about joy, but also determination when I had something to prove to myself."
I hope you continue to create art the way that bring your pure joy and determination. Your drawings are beautiful by the way.
I am the black sheep in my family when it comes to art/music. Both my brother, sister and mother were just talented artists or art hobbyists from the get-go. I just enjoyed watching my younger sister sketch at such a young age (sailor moon was a big one, and any sort of animals). She thought she would be having a career in creating art. My realist mother told me in private that some rules never changed, and that “the art world is for the 1%.”However, she did see regular every day people make commercial success. She said “if you want to be a creative, you need two things. 1. Be able to adapt to what ‘creative’ means as a career. 2. Be able to stomach being poor a long time.”
My mother would just chuckle at me for my lack of ability, but she liked how much I enjoyed art. She said in some ways, I won in the big picture scheme. I may not have the ability or talent, but just to enjoy it for what it is.
Your art is still amazing. I definitely think you have your mindset in the right direction.
My parents were always supportive of my art school dreams - which was definitely not typical for Asian parents. Not sure what any of us thought I'd do to make a living 😂. I don't know how to advise my kids. I bounce from one extreme to the other. It's all still very much a work in progress, figuring this all out.
Just keep doing what you're doing. I'm a firm believer that your voice/expression/style will appear naturally. Though I admit I went through my own searching journey, and I guess that's all part of the process. It's nice to make some money from my paintings, and I'm always still surprised and tickled when someone finds my work nice enough to purchase. But like you, it's not about making a living off of it, and I suppose that's why I teach. I fell into teaching by accident and stayed because I love it so much, so I feel fortunate that I get to work in a subject that I love and connect so deeply with, AND still have a chance to make my own stuff. That being said, sometimes I wonder why I paint pictures anyway. I mean, it's not like I'm selling gobs and they're jumping off the walls faster than I can paint. I still haven't quite figured out why I paint but I do know that I have to... it can't be quelled. Those times that I tried to ignore it were ultimately not happy times. Perhaps it's just part of our DNA.
Yup. Just needs the time and consistent act of doing to develop. That's nice to hear that you make money off your painting! And glad that you get so much joy out of teaching. Sometimes you don't have to know the "why"! The "have to" is enough. I just haven't felt the "have to" since I was a kid. I guess I want to find out if it's there.
To be or not to be is not a question of whether to choose one of the muses to guide you in life. Art is form that from day one you see life, color, line, speech, movement in a way that no one else sees like you do. The crayon or finger paint tells the rest of the story. Movement across a page one letter and then a word at a time. Or a dancer or actor on stage waiting for their cue. I see art even in a knot that tells time or a cave painting deep in Mother Earth bosom.
Such a great post! I thought I was one of the few folks who quit art (post undergrad, due to similar disillusionment and a constipating perfectionism) only to rediscover it twenty years later! I regret the lost time, but I got good at my profession, started a family, wasted a bunch of time on FB (who didn't in the '10's?!), read some good books, and blogged a bit until picking up the pen again in late 2022.
I totally agree, not having any thought of making money from the art freed me quite a bit. Paradoxically, the image-AI revolution also freed me up - now that computers can make plausible pretty images, the only thing the machine can't do is make fucking ugly images that come from my fingers.
Nah, not the only one! I totally laughed at "constipating perfectionism." Hahahaaa so accurate. But...do you really regret the lost time? Look at what all you've done? Ok, maybe not wasting time on social but yes, we've all done that.
Yes, you're totally right...It's less "regret the lost time" but more "I wish I had all the time in the world to get good at everything"...which is about as realistic a notion as "I'm sad because I can't fly".
Because yeah, I wouldn't trade being better at sketching for the time I spent boardgaming with friends in Houston, studying kung fu and tai chi for a few years, becoming a mediocre bread baker....everything but the wasted time on social. **Zuck! Give me my time back!!!**
I get it. This is why my sleep is so terrible. Trying to stuff more productive hours into the day. I shudder to think how many hours I've wasted on social in the last 15 years 😵💫
I am terrified by just the prospect of hearing "this isn't high school color class anymore" from another artist! So much of making art is about endurance and nourishment as we keep forging a path towards our center. I keep discovering how much the path of being an artist is a spiral, not a clean linear trajectory. The same lessons present themselves in different forms and hopefully each time we'll have learned a little more to be able to respond with gentleness and continued dedication. In that sense being an artist is much like being a human, and that's the best gift art gives us IMO—getting us in touch with our humanity. I think it's fantastic that you are clear that money is a distraction to your art—that alone is something our ego can get really hung up about!
I remember exactly where we were standing, what she looked like, everything about that moment!! Being an artist is indeed a spiral. I don't think I've carved a straight line to anything in my adult life! Regarding the money part, I feel like these days we are so conditioned to make money off our hobbies—because we can and it's much easier to do—and I've operated that way for years. I still think it's a possibility, but clearing that away for now, however long it might take, feels like it's allowing for a more authentic journey.
So fascinating and illuminating!! My kid is a remarkable self-taught artist. Ever since middle school, people have said, “so, art school?” Or “you should sell your art.” They resisted it, wanting to keep their art firmly planted in the “joy” category. This is not to say art-making for money can’t be joyous, but not for them, not right now. I’m proud of them for knowing themselves like that. They’re going thru some challenges right now, and I’m so grateful they have their art as a refuge.
Same with my kid! And she has no interest in art school, though I really want her to take some art classes in college (despite what I wrote, I have no regrets and I do think it was all valuable). I saw her go down the path I was and steered her towards a more academic high school after going to an arts heavy middle school. Art was definitely a refuge for my kid too during Covid. Glad to hear yours has a similar mindset.
Interesting..I'm starting to think about these issues. My 9 year old is quite good at drawing (better than me in cartooning)...but it's a hard profession, and only going to get harder.
My kid is also just way better than me when I was that age (and now, considering I feel stunted!). It is a hard profession, but also more possible in a lot of ways because of the internet. The said, I don't think you need to go to art school to be an artist anymore. If it is about connections, you can do that on social media. Also, I think stand alone art schools like I attended are becoming a bit like old relics. Kids who are studying art are choosing to be art majors at universities and liberal art colleges, which I think is so interesting and also smart! Depending on where my kid gets in (yes, we are doing dreaded college apps) she might minor in art (and major in science or maybe even math!)
My kid went to an arts-heavy middle school, too! #twinsies
Ha!
My young adult kid faced the same conundrum and has come to a similar conclusion. There’s so much pressure at their ages. Those forks in the road feel so permanent. Perhaps now more than ever, that’s not the case. Plus, skills and passions can cross over in surprising ways. And I agree, Asha — “art as a refuge” is another beneficial way they can keep art in their lives.
The creator economy merges art and money right out of the gate, with the extra madness of social media algorithms. This creates incredible opportunity, but can also be confusing. I try to comfort myself with the knowledge that young adulthood is just confusing, period, in its own era-specific ways, and the best advice I can keep giving (and trying to follow) is: trust your inner guidance. Follow what's alive in you. One day at a time.
Mid-adulthood is also a confusing period 😂
You know what, Jenna? IT'S ALL CONFUSING! The big discovery is: we're never sure of ANYTHING! EVERRRRRRRRRRR
truer words have never been spoken. Unless you're my mom hahaaaaa.
Thank you for sharing your artwork and your musings on your practice, Jenna. I have no drawing skills whatsoever, but from a writing point of view, I can see that whilst I've tried many forms of writing over the years, now that I have gained more education and practice, I see that my strengths have always remained very similar. Whilst I woud love to be a talented novellist, for example, I'm beginning to accept that there is still beauty and art in crafting a good sentence, or researching someone else's story and bringing it to light. I think as I get older, accepting my creative strengths for what they are and the fact that I may never be rich from them is the way go!
Absolutely! I don't know how novelists do it! I have so much respect for writers who can craft stories, but there is so much value to bringing stories to light. I think if we can celebrate our strengths as well as our limitations, we can be more content as creatives.
I like to call myself as a “creative” (artist is too high falutin' for me)... but the idea of making fiction seems impossible to my brain, not even flash! Maybe I should call myself a "descriptive"....
😂
Definitely! :) 😀
Did you see the Ruth Asawa show at the Whitney? I love that it’s all about her drawing practice. My favorite are her drawings of flowers. You are so incredibly talented! I think you might really like that show.
I haven't yet! I was waiting to go with my kid, but she's actually going with her school on a field trip so I guess I will go soon. Yes, I love her flower drawings!
At the danger of hyping it up too much... I seriously loved it too, and found it really inspiring!
I'm going I'm going!
Highly endorse as well! I think you'd really love the show Jenna, and there's a fun drawing guide the Whitney gives out too!
I saw her show in Chelsea maybe 2 years ago? Mostly her wire sculptures but there were a few drawings there. Excited to see more of this side of her!
You are so talented--keep going!
Thank you so much for this kind comment today, Afoma!
Thank you so much for writing this. In so many ways it feels like I could have written it myself. It’s so hard to keep going when you’re so hung up on the “what.” Being able to draw very well, but not as well as you’d like. Being afraid to draw for fear of disappointing myself again, or for having to choose a subject. Anyway, I feel less alone after reading this. Thank you for that. :) Can’t wait to see what else you make!
Oh yes. I have all of that. I went to a cafe yesterday with my kid and tried to sketch for the first time in forever in a sketchbook. It was soooo hard??! Like even a sketchbook is meant to quick gestures, observation, and just play, but I felt so much pressure 😂
I resonate so much with what you wrote -- I went to art school and graduated with a degree in design. But those four years sucked everything I loved about art out of me (I could probably write a few posts about it lol, art school kids are a different breed). I didn't pick up a pencil again for almost 10 years. And every time I did, I felt frustrated because my art was stuck at where my last attempt was. I may have grown mentally since but my skills did not. Now I try to frame it as play -- with little to no expectations on myself. It makes hitting flow state easier, and that's usually when I'll like my work the best too, when I'm not trying to 'try'. Can't wait to read more of your journey!
Alice, thanks so much for your comment and so interesting you experienced the same. And yes, art school kids might very well be a different breed 😂. Curious - did you become a designer after you graduated with a design degree? When I was in art school for 3 years, I ran away from any class that even resembled a design class, only to end up being a ... designer haha!
Oh I love your art! ❤️
I echo this. I love your art, Jenna, and am so excited to see where it takes you
Thank you Julia. I'm curious to know where it'll take me myself 😂
Thank you so much Nicole!
Jenna, what a beautiful piece of reflection.
I loved when you said "I think about my most prolific period in high school when art was purely about joy, but also determination when I had something to prove to myself."
I hope you continue to create art the way that bring your pure joy and determination. Your drawings are beautiful by the way.
Thank you so much Yuezhong!
Thanks, I needed to read this today :)
That makes me happy 😌
I am the black sheep in my family when it comes to art/music. Both my brother, sister and mother were just talented artists or art hobbyists from the get-go. I just enjoyed watching my younger sister sketch at such a young age (sailor moon was a big one, and any sort of animals). She thought she would be having a career in creating art. My realist mother told me in private that some rules never changed, and that “the art world is for the 1%.”However, she did see regular every day people make commercial success. She said “if you want to be a creative, you need two things. 1. Be able to adapt to what ‘creative’ means as a career. 2. Be able to stomach being poor a long time.”
My mother would just chuckle at me for my lack of ability, but she liked how much I enjoyed art. She said in some ways, I won in the big picture scheme. I may not have the ability or talent, but just to enjoy it for what it is.
Your art is still amazing. I definitely think you have your mindset in the right direction.
My parents were always supportive of my art school dreams - which was definitely not typical for Asian parents. Not sure what any of us thought I'd do to make a living 😂. I don't know how to advise my kids. I bounce from one extreme to the other. It's all still very much a work in progress, figuring this all out.
Just keep doing what you're doing. I'm a firm believer that your voice/expression/style will appear naturally. Though I admit I went through my own searching journey, and I guess that's all part of the process. It's nice to make some money from my paintings, and I'm always still surprised and tickled when someone finds my work nice enough to purchase. But like you, it's not about making a living off of it, and I suppose that's why I teach. I fell into teaching by accident and stayed because I love it so much, so I feel fortunate that I get to work in a subject that I love and connect so deeply with, AND still have a chance to make my own stuff. That being said, sometimes I wonder why I paint pictures anyway. I mean, it's not like I'm selling gobs and they're jumping off the walls faster than I can paint. I still haven't quite figured out why I paint but I do know that I have to... it can't be quelled. Those times that I tried to ignore it were ultimately not happy times. Perhaps it's just part of our DNA.
Yup. Just needs the time and consistent act of doing to develop. That's nice to hear that you make money off your painting! And glad that you get so much joy out of teaching. Sometimes you don't have to know the "why"! The "have to" is enough. I just haven't felt the "have to" since I was a kid. I guess I want to find out if it's there.
To be or not to be is not a question of whether to choose one of the muses to guide you in life. Art is form that from day one you see life, color, line, speech, movement in a way that no one else sees like you do. The crayon or finger paint tells the rest of the story. Movement across a page one letter and then a word at a time. Or a dancer or actor on stage waiting for their cue. I see art even in a knot that tells time or a cave painting deep in Mother Earth bosom.
This is beautiful, thank you.
Wish I could share something substantial, but keep your heart firm and set - the rest will follow, yeah?
Thank you. I will try 🥰
This is so beautiful, thank you for writing
Thank you so much, Carly.
Such a great post! I thought I was one of the few folks who quit art (post undergrad, due to similar disillusionment and a constipating perfectionism) only to rediscover it twenty years later! I regret the lost time, but I got good at my profession, started a family, wasted a bunch of time on FB (who didn't in the '10's?!), read some good books, and blogged a bit until picking up the pen again in late 2022.
I totally agree, not having any thought of making money from the art freed me quite a bit. Paradoxically, the image-AI revolution also freed me up - now that computers can make plausible pretty images, the only thing the machine can't do is make fucking ugly images that come from my fingers.
Nah, not the only one! I totally laughed at "constipating perfectionism." Hahahaaa so accurate. But...do you really regret the lost time? Look at what all you've done? Ok, maybe not wasting time on social but yes, we've all done that.
Yes, you're totally right...It's less "regret the lost time" but more "I wish I had all the time in the world to get good at everything"...which is about as realistic a notion as "I'm sad because I can't fly".
Because yeah, I wouldn't trade being better at sketching for the time I spent boardgaming with friends in Houston, studying kung fu and tai chi for a few years, becoming a mediocre bread baker....everything but the wasted time on social. **Zuck! Give me my time back!!!**
I get it. This is why my sleep is so terrible. Trying to stuff more productive hours into the day. I shudder to think how many hours I've wasted on social in the last 15 years 😵💫