Warning: straight talk about cycles, if you're not into it, skip this comment.
A few years ago I started to have crappy sleep. I chalked it up to the pandemic and trying to teach over zoom that year. But when I look back, I'm guessing I was peri without realizing it. Then over two years ago my cycle became inconsistent and for nearly a year, non existent. It was then when I figured I was deep in the throes of menopause. Suddenly my period came back, it was heavy, it was more on than off. Then it became constant, four weeks, six weeks, eight weeks went by non stop, and got to the point that it was uncontrollably heavy, I was changing every hour, leaking, and I was getting very weak. I went to see a doctor and by then, I could barely walk. She took a look at me and sent me straight away to ER. Turns out I developed fibroids, two the size of golfballs, another the size of a grapefruit and some vessels just wouldn't stop bleeding. There is nothing like facing your own mortality while you're laying in a pool of your own blood that your body can't stop squirting out (yes, I could feel each pump) for no good reason, waiting for the doctors to do something about it. I had three units of blood transfused, a unit of plasma, and an emergency hysterectomy in which everything but my ovaries were taken out. The sudden change and harsh reality was more brutal than the recovery it seemed. No one told me that fibroids could develop and be such assholes, and that is a hidden part of becoming menopausal. Ladies, if the sh!t doesn't add up down there, go see someone sooner than later and save yourself some bother.
As a side note, I had to take prednisone for two years when I developed lupus in my late 20s. Prednisone was a necessary evil to control (and help right) the lupus symptoms that were debilitating me, and I completely commiserate with you about the symptoms it causes. The mood swings were crappy, the hunger cravings: ravenous, and I utterly hated that my mind was revving so high and my body lagging behind. It made me feel like a mad person.
I appreciate your straight talk and that you're willing to comment here. Because our stories are so important since no one prepares us for any of this!! I keep thinking I have finally reached menopause, and then nope. Thank goodness you got the help you needed, but so sorry you suffered that long.
I can't imagine 2 years on prednisone. I actually had bad withdrawal symptoms and had to get back on it for another round. I have never felt so crazy, but this summer comes pretty close with the hormonal wackiness. The upside of it was that it made my eczema go away (but if came back when the drug left my system)! Nothing in the 30 years I have had it on my fingers made it go away!
@Jenna - Hi! Long time lurker since your original blog. I wanted to recommend acupuncture for eczema. I have the same on my fingers, esp from doing lots of dishes without gloves or too much handwashing, and I found acupuncture (and stress reduction if that's possible) was the only thing that worked. Hth!
Hi Sunny! Thanks for chiming in with the tip. Handwashing is so tricky when it's on the fingers. I'm so glad that it's worked for you. Mine is pretty under control at the moment - it isn't too bad, but will def look into it if it flares up again. Thank you!
Getting medical care sooner than later is important. Any abnormal bleeding should get checked out. I'm so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing this and raising awareness.
Absolutely agree! Which is why I'm glad this topic is being brought up, here and hopefully more. I had kept hearing your cycle would be erratic, that it would be on and then off, and sometimes for a lot longer than normal, but what is "abnormal"? That was the hard part, many friends I talked to had experienced prolonged cycles, so I didn't have a good reference as to when to see expert advice. I just thought it was all a normal part of menopause. Crazy.
I wanted to just comment about the point you made re: how NO ONE PREPARES US FOR THIS SHIT!! Not even the gynecologist, am I right? It baffles the hell out of me that this is so. It reminds me of how unprepared most of us (all of us) are for parenting. Any ding-dong can get pregnant and it’s just like ‘good luck!’
Yes! The doctors are not very helpful except to give out very generic advice. We really only have each other to share, compare notes, and help us feel that we are not going insane.
I hope you are right. Politics and policies in this country, however, have gone the other way for us women in many regards. I will hold on to your optimism!
Thanks for sharing your experience! Stories like this are so helpful! Peri IS a weird time. I knew the gist of what to expect. I’m a pharmacist so I had basic knowledge about that — way more than my mom had. I also think part of it is simply aging. I felt the first signs of aging in my mid-40s, but so did my husband and other men I know. But I wasn’t prepared for the weirdness of how I’d feel in peri. Or how inconsistent the strange feelings would be. Or how much my brain would change. Even my desires or priorities.
Hormones affect behavior, and fertile hormonal levels are guaranteed to end. So I guess I should’ve been less surprised. But, I think I got tricked into thinking at 40 I was done changing. My kids were the ones changing. It definitely would've helped if I had heard more discussion on this topic BEFORE I entered this phase. And this phase can last a LONG time. I just turned 49.
I always worked part-time when my kids were young. Peri hit when my youngest became school age. It was definitely part of the reason I decided to stay part-time and find freelance work, rather than go full-time. I know it’s a privilege to have the option, but it shouldn’t be. We need more support structures and flexibility built in for people who are working age.
I hear cries all the time that we need more support structures - for working mothers, for women going through perimenopause, for women with painful cycles. WHY DO WE KEEP ASKING FOR THIS? It hasn't really gotten better for us.
I have to keep reminding myself that I am not going crazy, but that is how I feel sometimes. The mood swings are wild. We may know it's coming, but the surprise is that we don't know how it will affect us since it varies so much from person to person, and from year to year - sometimes month to month!
A friend of mine searched high and low for a gynecologist who specialized on menopause to ask specific questions because of her other health problems. She finally found one at Johns Hopkins, and the gyn. told my friend that nobody (among the doctors) are interested at all in menopause. She said even her obgyn colleagues were “sending their wives to her”. It is mind boggling, really. Half of the population goes through this!
On a related note, entry (puberty) is studied extensively, but exit (menopause) is not. It just doesn’t make sense. We’re not dead.
But here lies the issue that we feel elsewhere, and it's no different here. Women in this age group are invisible - the over 40 midlife demographic. Even in this context we are invisible to the medical community.
All of this that you wrote about, yes! Also experienced that horrible itchiness. I also experience sudden depression about 24 hours before I get a migraine, and I know the two are connected and that the depression is just physical, though I experience it as an emotion. I know it’s not a “real” one, if that makes any sense.
A cynical but possibly helpful note: there was a big scientific breakthrough in the last decade which led to a new class of migraine drugs. In the past, investors didn’t put much stock in companies that were working on migraine bc they didn’t think it would make any money, and because it had been so long (the early 90s) since the last advance in migraine treatment, but now everyone and their brother has a migraine drug because guess what? LOTS of us get migraines, and they are far more under treated and under researched than any similarly debilitating condition. All of that is to say, the market is starting to realize that there is money to be made here, and eventually that will lead to more research, which could be helpful, even if it’s primarily aimed at developing expensive pharmaceuticals. 😬
It really is amazing how common this itchiness is??? Thanks for sharing about the migraine drug. And yes, if there is money to be made, you know that moves things along a little more quickly.
Check out the incredible documentaries on this by Davina McCall an investigative journalist in the UK, the Cornell study on perimenopause and biodentical HRT (bHRT) which also has preventive effects against bone, heart and dementia issues if started pre menopause.
This is such an important conversation...thank you for sharing your journey Jenna! I'm 43 and have absolutely started my "peri period" - UGH. My mother in no way prepared me for this - I knew she hit menopause early but there was zero discussion about perimenopause. I refuse to allow my daughter to go through life without an understanding of all things hormonal, so I am being careful to share as much as I can with her as we both traverse this tightrope of triggers.
It's along ride. I am 10 years older than you and I think I might be on the later side of average as I am not in menopause yet. Open conversations are always good, especially when you're on the bookends of this journey with your child.
I was just talking about this today! Thank you for writing this. I am definitely in Peri times. Just saw the lady doc 2x in 2weeks, 1 biopsy, 2 ultrasounds and well they can rule out cancer, thank goodness. But again the docs have no idea why I’m having 2 full on cycles every 2 weeks at least a hand full of times this year. Not to mention the emotional roller coaster & over heating episodes. I’m 46--and I think Peri is very much with me.
whoa, didn't know about this. But as per comments, cycles are really wacky and we have so little guidance. Gotta lean into our women friends, just like the olden days, I imagine!
I’m so sad to hear about the problems you’re all having with peri and menopause. I’ve been through both and the effects for me were minimal, probably because I always had the teachers that were mentioned your comments. Naturopathic physicians firstly but also a community of healers who provided remedies and workshops of all kinds. As a fellow female, I can act as a stand-in teacher if you are interested. Here are 3 things that I especially remember that I would like to pass on:
1- find out if a compounded non-steroidal prescription is for you. I believe this is what made my menopause so uneventful. It was a female naturopathic physician who ordered it for me. At the time I had no idea how rare it was to have so many options...I just assumed this was all common knowledge.
2 - lavender oil. That’s what kept my hot flash symptoms to a minimum. I was a walking commercial for sniffing lavender! A few women who told me about their wretched hot flashes and were unable to do allopathic HRT did follow up and try the lavender. They were so very thankful and relieved to finally be symptom-free or at least symptom-reduced. (Just sniff an open bottle of natural lavender oil and/or dab it on your wrist or on your temples. Anywhere that you’re drawn to.)
3 - pre-menopause stress. This one I did not know about until after my change started but, please, do your own study of this as I am not a professional anything. Am just a curious and voracious seeker. Here’s the deal: according to my readings of any and all menopause material, I found out that a healthy and strong adrenal system plays a big part in helping our bodies transition through those change years. Apparently it can fill in with its adrenaline as your female hormones dwindle. However, and this is what we need to teach our daughters and all young women: adrenal glands that were subject to overuse in earlier years by extreme stress will not be as strong an ally as they could have been. Yes, the adrenaline got used up, too early and too often, giving us a rather abrupt crossover into menopause.
Jenna, I love your drawings! I stopped dying my hair at age 60 shortly after my husband’s sudden death. My reason: I can’t stand superficial men so I did mot want to attract one and it seemed to me that the women I met who had grey hair presented as self-assured and confident and that how I wanted to be. So I got most of my long hair cut off and allowed my short hair to go the grey. My hair is now shoulder length grey/white/surprise natural black touches and curly and I like it this way.
I am embracing Post menopausal syndrome (sounds better than just Vulvo vaginal atrophy) in its entirety because I have no reasonable choice (my mom died of ovarian cancer so hormone therapy is out for me). I try to think of myself as an explorer….going boldly where I have not gone before 😁 While I have days where I am not a fan of aging (and collecting more health problems), I am grateful to be alive and fairly active and interested at age 67. My sister died at age 11 so I often think about all of the experiences of growing up and getting older that she never got to have.
That’s beautiful Anne. About your hair and how you honor your sister. My brother passed away as well (but as an adult) and I too often think I am doing the aging for the both of us.
I’m sorry about your sister. It’s so heart breaking to lose children & siblings so young. I hope you had other siblings to help you not be an only child, since they tend to be bratty.
Warning: straight talk about cycles, if you're not into it, skip this comment.
A few years ago I started to have crappy sleep. I chalked it up to the pandemic and trying to teach over zoom that year. But when I look back, I'm guessing I was peri without realizing it. Then over two years ago my cycle became inconsistent and for nearly a year, non existent. It was then when I figured I was deep in the throes of menopause. Suddenly my period came back, it was heavy, it was more on than off. Then it became constant, four weeks, six weeks, eight weeks went by non stop, and got to the point that it was uncontrollably heavy, I was changing every hour, leaking, and I was getting very weak. I went to see a doctor and by then, I could barely walk. She took a look at me and sent me straight away to ER. Turns out I developed fibroids, two the size of golfballs, another the size of a grapefruit and some vessels just wouldn't stop bleeding. There is nothing like facing your own mortality while you're laying in a pool of your own blood that your body can't stop squirting out (yes, I could feel each pump) for no good reason, waiting for the doctors to do something about it. I had three units of blood transfused, a unit of plasma, and an emergency hysterectomy in which everything but my ovaries were taken out. The sudden change and harsh reality was more brutal than the recovery it seemed. No one told me that fibroids could develop and be such assholes, and that is a hidden part of becoming menopausal. Ladies, if the sh!t doesn't add up down there, go see someone sooner than later and save yourself some bother.
As a side note, I had to take prednisone for two years when I developed lupus in my late 20s. Prednisone was a necessary evil to control (and help right) the lupus symptoms that were debilitating me, and I completely commiserate with you about the symptoms it causes. The mood swings were crappy, the hunger cravings: ravenous, and I utterly hated that my mind was revving so high and my body lagging behind. It made me feel like a mad person.
I appreciate your straight talk and that you're willing to comment here. Because our stories are so important since no one prepares us for any of this!! I keep thinking I have finally reached menopause, and then nope. Thank goodness you got the help you needed, but so sorry you suffered that long.
I can't imagine 2 years on prednisone. I actually had bad withdrawal symptoms and had to get back on it for another round. I have never felt so crazy, but this summer comes pretty close with the hormonal wackiness. The upside of it was that it made my eczema go away (but if came back when the drug left my system)! Nothing in the 30 years I have had it on my fingers made it go away!
@Jenna - Hi! Long time lurker since your original blog. I wanted to recommend acupuncture for eczema. I have the same on my fingers, esp from doing lots of dishes without gloves or too much handwashing, and I found acupuncture (and stress reduction if that's possible) was the only thing that worked. Hth!
Hi Sunny! Thanks for chiming in with the tip. Handwashing is so tricky when it's on the fingers. I'm so glad that it's worked for you. Mine is pretty under control at the moment - it isn't too bad, but will def look into it if it flares up again. Thank you!
Getting medical care sooner than later is important. Any abnormal bleeding should get checked out. I'm so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing this and raising awareness.
Absolutely agree! Which is why I'm glad this topic is being brought up, here and hopefully more. I had kept hearing your cycle would be erratic, that it would be on and then off, and sometimes for a lot longer than normal, but what is "abnormal"? That was the hard part, many friends I talked to had experienced prolonged cycles, so I didn't have a good reference as to when to see expert advice. I just thought it was all a normal part of menopause. Crazy.
There is no "normal." Everyone's normal is different.
I wanted to just comment about the point you made re: how NO ONE PREPARES US FOR THIS SHIT!! Not even the gynecologist, am I right? It baffles the hell out of me that this is so. It reminds me of how unprepared most of us (all of us) are for parenting. Any ding-dong can get pregnant and it’s just like ‘good luck!’
I don’t know how any of us survive.
Yes! The doctors are not very helpful except to give out very generic advice. We really only have each other to share, compare notes, and help us feel that we are not going insane.
I am hoping that as women become more represented politically and in the working world, we will get the medical research and equality that we deserve.
I hope you are right. Politics and policies in this country, however, have gone the other way for us women in many regards. I will hold on to your optimism!
Thanks for sharing your experience! Stories like this are so helpful! Peri IS a weird time. I knew the gist of what to expect. I’m a pharmacist so I had basic knowledge about that — way more than my mom had. I also think part of it is simply aging. I felt the first signs of aging in my mid-40s, but so did my husband and other men I know. But I wasn’t prepared for the weirdness of how I’d feel in peri. Or how inconsistent the strange feelings would be. Or how much my brain would change. Even my desires or priorities.
Hormones affect behavior, and fertile hormonal levels are guaranteed to end. So I guess I should’ve been less surprised. But, I think I got tricked into thinking at 40 I was done changing. My kids were the ones changing. It definitely would've helped if I had heard more discussion on this topic BEFORE I entered this phase. And this phase can last a LONG time. I just turned 49.
I always worked part-time when my kids were young. Peri hit when my youngest became school age. It was definitely part of the reason I decided to stay part-time and find freelance work, rather than go full-time. I know it’s a privilege to have the option, but it shouldn’t be. We need more support structures and flexibility built in for people who are working age.
I hear cries all the time that we need more support structures - for working mothers, for women going through perimenopause, for women with painful cycles. WHY DO WE KEEP ASKING FOR THIS? It hasn't really gotten better for us.
I have to keep reminding myself that I am not going crazy, but that is how I feel sometimes. The mood swings are wild. We may know it's coming, but the surprise is that we don't know how it will affect us since it varies so much from person to person, and from year to year - sometimes month to month!
A friend of mine searched high and low for a gynecologist who specialized on menopause to ask specific questions because of her other health problems. She finally found one at Johns Hopkins, and the gyn. told my friend that nobody (among the doctors) are interested at all in menopause. She said even her obgyn colleagues were “sending their wives to her”. It is mind boggling, really. Half of the population goes through this!
On a related note, entry (puberty) is studied extensively, but exit (menopause) is not. It just doesn’t make sense. We’re not dead.
I am not surprised to hear that!
But here lies the issue that we feel elsewhere, and it's no different here. Women in this age group are invisible - the over 40 midlife demographic. Even in this context we are invisible to the medical community.
THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!
I have developed a terrible relationship with doctors and the lack of support they provide. This made me feel seen.
How is this not discussed more openly?
I am always here, if you need an ear to commiserate.
All of this that you wrote about, yes! Also experienced that horrible itchiness. I also experience sudden depression about 24 hours before I get a migraine, and I know the two are connected and that the depression is just physical, though I experience it as an emotion. I know it’s not a “real” one, if that makes any sense.
A cynical but possibly helpful note: there was a big scientific breakthrough in the last decade which led to a new class of migraine drugs. In the past, investors didn’t put much stock in companies that were working on migraine bc they didn’t think it would make any money, and because it had been so long (the early 90s) since the last advance in migraine treatment, but now everyone and their brother has a migraine drug because guess what? LOTS of us get migraines, and they are far more under treated and under researched than any similarly debilitating condition. All of that is to say, the market is starting to realize that there is money to be made here, and eventually that will lead to more research, which could be helpful, even if it’s primarily aimed at developing expensive pharmaceuticals. 😬
It really is amazing how common this itchiness is??? Thanks for sharing about the migraine drug. And yes, if there is money to be made, you know that moves things along a little more quickly.
Omg, I just found your post and it echoes with the rollercoaster of a week I have just had. Thank you for sharing; I'm glad I found you today :)
Thank you Kate! Welcome! Do glad to hear from you and I hope we can all share and support each other somehow. This rollercoaster is wild!
Check out the incredible documentaries on this by Davina McCall an investigative journalist in the UK, the Cornell study on perimenopause and biodentical HRT (bHRT) which also has preventive effects against bone, heart and dementia issues if started pre menopause.
Thanks for the rec, Zoe!
This is such an important conversation...thank you for sharing your journey Jenna! I'm 43 and have absolutely started my "peri period" - UGH. My mother in no way prepared me for this - I knew she hit menopause early but there was zero discussion about perimenopause. I refuse to allow my daughter to go through life without an understanding of all things hormonal, so I am being careful to share as much as I can with her as we both traverse this tightrope of triggers.
It's along ride. I am 10 years older than you and I think I might be on the later side of average as I am not in menopause yet. Open conversations are always good, especially when you're on the bookends of this journey with your child.
I was just talking about this today! Thank you for writing this. I am definitely in Peri times. Just saw the lady doc 2x in 2weeks, 1 biopsy, 2 ultrasounds and well they can rule out cancer, thank goodness. But again the docs have no idea why I’m having 2 full on cycles every 2 weeks at least a hand full of times this year. Not to mention the emotional roller coaster & over heating episodes. I’m 46--and I think Peri is very much with me.
whoa, didn't know about this. But as per comments, cycles are really wacky and we have so little guidance. Gotta lean into our women friends, just like the olden days, I imagine!
I’m so sad to hear about the problems you’re all having with peri and menopause. I’ve been through both and the effects for me were minimal, probably because I always had the teachers that were mentioned your comments. Naturopathic physicians firstly but also a community of healers who provided remedies and workshops of all kinds. As a fellow female, I can act as a stand-in teacher if you are interested. Here are 3 things that I especially remember that I would like to pass on:
1- find out if a compounded non-steroidal prescription is for you. I believe this is what made my menopause so uneventful. It was a female naturopathic physician who ordered it for me. At the time I had no idea how rare it was to have so many options...I just assumed this was all common knowledge.
2 - lavender oil. That’s what kept my hot flash symptoms to a minimum. I was a walking commercial for sniffing lavender! A few women who told me about their wretched hot flashes and were unable to do allopathic HRT did follow up and try the lavender. They were so very thankful and relieved to finally be symptom-free or at least symptom-reduced. (Just sniff an open bottle of natural lavender oil and/or dab it on your wrist or on your temples. Anywhere that you’re drawn to.)
3 - pre-menopause stress. This one I did not know about until after my change started but, please, do your own study of this as I am not a professional anything. Am just a curious and voracious seeker. Here’s the deal: according to my readings of any and all menopause material, I found out that a healthy and strong adrenal system plays a big part in helping our bodies transition through those change years. Apparently it can fill in with its adrenaline as your female hormones dwindle. However, and this is what we need to teach our daughters and all young women: adrenal glands that were subject to overuse in earlier years by extreme stress will not be as strong an ally as they could have been. Yes, the adrenaline got used up, too early and too often, giving us a rather abrupt crossover into menopause.
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-adrenal-fatigue-menopause-connection-you-need-to-know-about
Blessings on all your journeys towards your years of wisdom. You’re needed now more than ever.
And Jenna, thank you so much for your articulate, eye-opening writings. You are a treasure we all love.
This is a bevy of wise information, Lani. Thank you!
Jenna, I love your drawings! I stopped dying my hair at age 60 shortly after my husband’s sudden death. My reason: I can’t stand superficial men so I did mot want to attract one and it seemed to me that the women I met who had grey hair presented as self-assured and confident and that how I wanted to be. So I got most of my long hair cut off and allowed my short hair to go the grey. My hair is now shoulder length grey/white/surprise natural black touches and curly and I like it this way.
I am embracing Post menopausal syndrome (sounds better than just Vulvo vaginal atrophy) in its entirety because I have no reasonable choice (my mom died of ovarian cancer so hormone therapy is out for me). I try to think of myself as an explorer….going boldly where I have not gone before 😁 While I have days where I am not a fan of aging (and collecting more health problems), I am grateful to be alive and fairly active and interested at age 67. My sister died at age 11 so I often think about all of the experiences of growing up and getting older that she never got to have.
That’s beautiful Anne. About your hair and how you honor your sister. My brother passed away as well (but as an adult) and I too often think I am doing the aging for the both of us.
I’m sorry about your sister. It’s so heart breaking to lose children & siblings so young. I hope you had other siblings to help you not be an only child, since they tend to be bratty.