I love this one. These questions have been on my mind lately, and I’ve started to try to be more spontaneous, if not by choosing cafes and restaurants without checking the reviews (in fact, I did this last night, and that restaurant ended up sucking), at least by choosing food options or books I don’t usually go for, and surrendering to potential serendipity.
Oh no for the restaurant sucking! But also, so funny in the context of this essay. I think that's why cafes feel like a better no-risk option. Maybe I'll go back to making choices on aesthetic alone like I used to do with book covers and food labels!
My wife once bought me a whisky with a dog on the cover, just because she thought it looked cool, lol. It ended up being really enjoyable. I nursed it for about two months, just so I didn’t have to throw the bottle away.
Oh man, I feel very, very seen in both the looking up reviews for everything (does calling it "research" make it feel more valid? It does for me, hah.) and realizing how much of my time and effort it takes.
That said, I don't really see a reality for myself where it's not a major part of how I live life. For me, choosing to live in a big city means having near-infinite choices, but it also means that there are potentially delightful discoveries to uncover behind each door. I do find a satisfaction in reading a really detailed review from someone who seems like they just want to share something they feel passionately about (whether it's a hole-in-the-wall restaurant or a pet toy) and then having it work out the same way for me. My favorite reviews are from people who I can somehow intuit have a similar sensibility and preferences to me... which maybe also then rolls into the current influencer culture too.
That said, I do think back on nostalgia to decades ago when I was living abroad in Edinburgh for a few months on a super limited budget. Every week, I'd walk to the Lidl supermarket, which was affordable and offered no real choices: if you wanted cereal, there was one sweet cereal and one non-sweet cereal. If you wanted rice, there was one type. I honestly remember feeling such a sense of relief shopping there, and it took so little time! Grab a bag of the only rice, grab a loaf of the only wheat bread, etc. I don't know if I could live like that all the time, but I remember it being absolutely bewildering to deal with American supermarkets after I came back.
But it IS research 100%! I'm so fascinated at how much our behavior has changed - so much so that it's wired into our lives way too much to revert back unless we are forced to. Like, if you were in a situation where you had limited choices in the grocery store, just as you described in Edinburgh, would you be satisfied now? Or would you miss the 34 variations of whole wheat bread that you can choose from. 🤔
I think if I knew there was no other option, I'd feel satisfied for sure.
But one side effect of how we internet these days is that there are always other options and also, we're so constantly aware of the possibility of those endlessly enticing other options.
I try to justify my endless "research" as an attempt at being thrifty by not wasting money on a junk item or experience, which probably comes from my having grown up poor and constantly worrying about every little thing I spend it on having to be the "exact right thing". It's also not wanting to waste my time by having to box something up and return it, which also has an element of feeling wasteful in an environmental sense. I live in San Francisco, so the shopping in person options here, and maybe like everywhere else, are becoming limited to very high-end stores, so unless I want to rent a zipcar, and drive a half hour away to go to a mall, I mostly have to shop online. Also back to being thrifty, I've noticed that most big brands offer sale prices on items online versus not as much in stores.
I do wish I could just let it go some times. Especially when I spiral over the silliest things like buying shoes for my 6yr old that I will spend more time hemming and hawing about than he'll spend wearing them because he's just constantly growing. Oof!
This is exactly my rationale as well - I don't want to waste money and it's part of my frugal way of life, I suppose. However, it really did make me think about all the time I spend reading reviews! Especially as I start to think about time as a commodity. And I hear your pain about buying clothes for kids. Can't tell you how much of a relief it was when the kids' shoe sizes started to stabilize 😂
Oh yes, so many choices can be paralyzing! Spontaneity can be a pleasant surprise on the other hand. When I'm choosing take out, my only criterion is if the food is gluten free, since I'm allergic. And it's always exciting when a new restaurant or cafe does take out and has gf options, since even today there aren't many, at least where I live, and I can sample their offerings.
My family and I do the same when choosing a movie to watch. We have spent the entire evening trying to decide what we want to watch, by checking IMDB, Rotten Tomato, and Chinese film review sites, and ended up not having enough time to watch anything for the remainder of the evening. I too agree that, sometimes, we should just pick one and commit to it, without checking other people's opinion first, and maybe can write a review later, as how we experience it.
Oh wow, the movie title picking. That sounds frustrating. We don't collectively watch movies or anything else for that matter as a family anymore, but when we do, it's usually me who picks so as to eliminate that risk. But of course behind the scenes, I'm doing all the checking on review sites, ha!
I remember being in such a decision paralysis before when planning a 3-week overseas holiday. It was driving me nuts! And then I read somewhere to narrow it down to 3-5 options based on my key criteria and it's helped me ever since. BUT I leave reading the reviews to my partner (lol) who usually just checks out the worst ones... And gauge which ones have the "most acceptable" worst reviews -- if there is even such a thing! There's been few misses but truth is, the reviews will not fully compare to the actual experience. ☺️
Travel planning can be the worst in terms of decision paralysis. I think that's why I didn't mind our very scheduled 10 day tour. It's not how I would typically choose to travel, but it was also refreshing to just surrender and not have any choice in the matter. And yes, you have to take the reviews with a grain of salt. Some people just like to complain and/or highly critical because they have a platform to be! 😂
Oh man this sounds just like me. On the rare occasion I order takeout, I spend at least 30-40 looking at the reviews of the food and service before making a decision. The images of the food look good, but what if the place is known for delivering food an hour late or if the food usually arrives cold. How will I know if I don't do the research first. 😊
Ah yes, in my little family we call this the _insert my father in law's full name_ Syndrome. It once took him over two years to finally buy a car... first it was between two cars, then it was which dealership. Two years... we just prayed that the model wouldn't get an upgrade during that time. 😂😂😂😂
Omigosh, yes! When we remodeled our kitchen (as in we were doing it ourselves to save money), it took me forever to settle on cabinet handles. In the end, after months, I went back to the very first one, which also happened to be the least expensive... making me double guess myself about quality.
I think about this often (especially when choosing paint colors). I'm currently researching lodging in New Orleans and choosing a hotel has proven to be the toughest part of planning this trip because of the reviews. It's also most bothersome when people leave reviews when they haven't even used an item, which ends up wasting more time. "Got this today! Looks great!" - so not helpful. On one hand, however, it often saves me money because when I become overwhelmed I just make due and put off buying the thing until I absolutely need it (ask me how long I've been looking for a sofa). As far as restaurants go, if the search goes past five minutes I go back to the first page and choose the first place that caught my interest.
I love this one. These questions have been on my mind lately, and I’ve started to try to be more spontaneous, if not by choosing cafes and restaurants without checking the reviews (in fact, I did this last night, and that restaurant ended up sucking), at least by choosing food options or books I don’t usually go for, and surrendering to potential serendipity.
Oh no for the restaurant sucking! But also, so funny in the context of this essay. I think that's why cafes feel like a better no-risk option. Maybe I'll go back to making choices on aesthetic alone like I used to do with book covers and food labels!
I often choose wines based on how cool the label looks. Have found some gems that way.
Totally. Me too. I don't drink, but sometimes I buy wine for Mark. I know nothing about wine, hence label aesthetics.
My wife once bought me a whisky with a dog on the cover, just because she thought it looked cool, lol. It ended up being really enjoyable. I nursed it for about two months, just so I didn’t have to throw the bottle away.
Excellent. A dog on any label is good in my book.
Oh man, I feel very, very seen in both the looking up reviews for everything (does calling it "research" make it feel more valid? It does for me, hah.) and realizing how much of my time and effort it takes.
That said, I don't really see a reality for myself where it's not a major part of how I live life. For me, choosing to live in a big city means having near-infinite choices, but it also means that there are potentially delightful discoveries to uncover behind each door. I do find a satisfaction in reading a really detailed review from someone who seems like they just want to share something they feel passionately about (whether it's a hole-in-the-wall restaurant or a pet toy) and then having it work out the same way for me. My favorite reviews are from people who I can somehow intuit have a similar sensibility and preferences to me... which maybe also then rolls into the current influencer culture too.
That said, I do think back on nostalgia to decades ago when I was living abroad in Edinburgh for a few months on a super limited budget. Every week, I'd walk to the Lidl supermarket, which was affordable and offered no real choices: if you wanted cereal, there was one sweet cereal and one non-sweet cereal. If you wanted rice, there was one type. I honestly remember feeling such a sense of relief shopping there, and it took so little time! Grab a bag of the only rice, grab a loaf of the only wheat bread, etc. I don't know if I could live like that all the time, but I remember it being absolutely bewildering to deal with American supermarkets after I came back.
But it IS research 100%! I'm so fascinated at how much our behavior has changed - so much so that it's wired into our lives way too much to revert back unless we are forced to. Like, if you were in a situation where you had limited choices in the grocery store, just as you described in Edinburgh, would you be satisfied now? Or would you miss the 34 variations of whole wheat bread that you can choose from. 🤔
I think if I knew there was no other option, I'd feel satisfied for sure.
But one side effect of how we internet these days is that there are always other options and also, we're so constantly aware of the possibility of those endlessly enticing other options.
Right, we know too many things exist and now our expectations are high.
I try to justify my endless "research" as an attempt at being thrifty by not wasting money on a junk item or experience, which probably comes from my having grown up poor and constantly worrying about every little thing I spend it on having to be the "exact right thing". It's also not wanting to waste my time by having to box something up and return it, which also has an element of feeling wasteful in an environmental sense. I live in San Francisco, so the shopping in person options here, and maybe like everywhere else, are becoming limited to very high-end stores, so unless I want to rent a zipcar, and drive a half hour away to go to a mall, I mostly have to shop online. Also back to being thrifty, I've noticed that most big brands offer sale prices on items online versus not as much in stores.
I do wish I could just let it go some times. Especially when I spiral over the silliest things like buying shoes for my 6yr old that I will spend more time hemming and hawing about than he'll spend wearing them because he's just constantly growing. Oof!
This is exactly my rationale as well - I don't want to waste money and it's part of my frugal way of life, I suppose. However, it really did make me think about all the time I spend reading reviews! Especially as I start to think about time as a commodity. And I hear your pain about buying clothes for kids. Can't tell you how much of a relief it was when the kids' shoe sizes started to stabilize 😂
Oh yes, so many choices can be paralyzing! Spontaneity can be a pleasant surprise on the other hand. When I'm choosing take out, my only criterion is if the food is gluten free, since I'm allergic. And it's always exciting when a new restaurant or cafe does take out and has gf options, since even today there aren't many, at least where I live, and I can sample their offerings.
I like your approach! In this world of curated everything, I want to go back to some spontaneity in life. Thanks, Nadia.
A fine approach to have! :)
My family and I do the same when choosing a movie to watch. We have spent the entire evening trying to decide what we want to watch, by checking IMDB, Rotten Tomato, and Chinese film review sites, and ended up not having enough time to watch anything for the remainder of the evening. I too agree that, sometimes, we should just pick one and commit to it, without checking other people's opinion first, and maybe can write a review later, as how we experience it.
Oh wow, the movie title picking. That sounds frustrating. We don't collectively watch movies or anything else for that matter as a family anymore, but when we do, it's usually me who picks so as to eliminate that risk. But of course behind the scenes, I'm doing all the checking on review sites, ha!
I remember being in such a decision paralysis before when planning a 3-week overseas holiday. It was driving me nuts! And then I read somewhere to narrow it down to 3-5 options based on my key criteria and it's helped me ever since. BUT I leave reading the reviews to my partner (lol) who usually just checks out the worst ones... And gauge which ones have the "most acceptable" worst reviews -- if there is even such a thing! There's been few misses but truth is, the reviews will not fully compare to the actual experience. ☺️
Travel planning can be the worst in terms of decision paralysis. I think that's why I didn't mind our very scheduled 10 day tour. It's not how I would typically choose to travel, but it was also refreshing to just surrender and not have any choice in the matter. And yes, you have to take the reviews with a grain of salt. Some people just like to complain and/or highly critical because they have a platform to be! 😂
That last line... So true. Also what social media has become.
Oh man this sounds just like me. On the rare occasion I order takeout, I spend at least 30-40 looking at the reviews of the food and service before making a decision. The images of the food look good, but what if the place is known for delivering food an hour late or if the food usually arrives cold. How will I know if I don't do the research first. 😊
I think I would be horrified if I were to be able to somehow quantify in hours how much time I spend researching on purchases every year. 😵💫
Ah yes, in my little family we call this the _insert my father in law's full name_ Syndrome. It once took him over two years to finally buy a car... first it was between two cars, then it was which dealership. Two years... we just prayed that the model wouldn't get an upgrade during that time. 😂😂😂😂
It took me two years to buy our dining room table. We once had no proper kitchen faucet for 4 months. I can relate to your father in law!
Haha!
Omigosh, yes! When we remodeled our kitchen (as in we were doing it ourselves to save money), it took me forever to settle on cabinet handles. In the end, after months, I went back to the very first one, which also happened to be the least expensive... making me double guess myself about quality.
I think about this often (especially when choosing paint colors). I'm currently researching lodging in New Orleans and choosing a hotel has proven to be the toughest part of planning this trip because of the reviews. It's also most bothersome when people leave reviews when they haven't even used an item, which ends up wasting more time. "Got this today! Looks great!" - so not helpful. On one hand, however, it often saves me money because when I become overwhelmed I just make due and put off buying the thing until I absolutely need it (ask me how long I've been looking for a sofa). As far as restaurants go, if the search goes past five minutes I go back to the first page and choose the first place that caught my interest.