Some of those John Hughes movies didn't age well! Lol. But I loved them. I hope we move forward again. We just have to endure the next 4 years. Our focus will turn to mid-term elections.
Your roadmap is mine too, it’s going to be our kids’ salvation. It starts and ends with supporting them to find their joy and their passion. From there they have to trust themselves enough to follow their hearts and find their tribes, & in that place contribute to a brighter light. Community, connection, love. 🙏🏼
"I still believe that Gen X is the last generation to grow up with a truly care-free childhood."
We need to stop perpetuating this falsehood. No one's childhood was truly care-free, and, even assuming that was the case, it was only for a small capsule in the vast swath of human history. Prior to 1938, children worked in mines and factories. In some countries, including the U.K., children worked in a limited capacity up until the 1960s (particularly girls doing lacework).
One could easily argue that only Boomer children were the start of anything that resembled "carefree" childhood, but even they grew up in the shadow of austerity and death from WW II. However, Boomer children, and I say this as someone who was born in 1964, had parents who were, shall we say, "unenlightened" about what children were capable of and tended to push them to be little adults from a very young age. I know that my childhood was brutal and abusive and I grew up with a ton of worries about the economy (stagflation and the oil shock), nuclear power and war (The Cold War and Three Mile Island), and the ozone hole that we thought was going to end with all of us dying from exposure to UV radiation when it became large enough.
Idealizing the upbringing of past generations only invites intergenerational hate and envy which is misplaced. The current generation has no idea what material life was like in the past and how relatively impoverished it was. They have no idea what parents said and did to their children because they were so ignorant of child psychology and needs and just imposed arbitrary adult standards on them. Very few children from the generations you're speaking of as not being carefree were ever assaulted by their parents as discipline. Very few grew up as their parents personal servants who were asked to fetch whatever was wanted or forced to do most of the household chores. Childhood may not be "carefree" now, but it is certainly longer and less personally difficult than the eras that people romanticize.
You make a lot of good and valid points and I appreciate the reminder and the perspective. Perhaps I did generalize an entire generation's experience based on my own personal privileged context and maybe that was the misstep here because I agree that we tend to romanticize the past. I certainly am also tired of intergenerational debates. My parents were immigrants and grew up in wartime Korea, which at the time was one of the poorest countries in the world, so I can't compare my childhood to theirs even though I also grew up in a violent dysfunctional household. So while I came of age during the AIDS crises, 1992 recession and the Gulf War, my personal survival was never at risk like theirs were. While I worked hard at breaking the cycle of dysfunction, I think my children's generation is dealing with far greater complexities brought on by technology, climate disasters, and the ramifications of past generational decisions in policy and politics. Everything has accelerated at a speed that we can't even control. I'm not sure I agree that their childhood is longer. They were either forced to grow up too fast, albeit in a different way than Boomers or the Silent Generation, or stunted in emotional growth from the pandemic, which we still have yet to see full research on. I am completely grateful that I did not grow up in a time of social media. And with the incoming administration, who knows what else lies ahead.
I appreciate this discussion. It gives me something to think about, which is what I hope for when sending these newsletters out into the world.
I thought Gen X also grew up with "duck and cover" drills. I know my best friend is 42 and he said he grew up with them which definitely felt like priming kids to fear for their lives in the event of a nuclear war. I grew up within range of the Three Mile Island meltdown and was terrified of nuclear war for most of my childhood thanks to the Reagan era. I also was in Japan during the Great Tohoku quake and subsequent nuclear meltdown in Fukushima. There are always opportunities to fear for your life regardless of age.
When I say children have a longer childhood, I mean that they are spared the responsibilities of adulthood longer. I agree absolutely that adult worries are dumped in their laps via social media at an earlier age because that information is just right there. That is why parents need to moderate and limit kids use of technology much as parents used to limit what sort of television kids were allowed to watch in the past. I know it is not easy, especially when their peers are all about their social accounts.
I vaguely remember them, but the drills I felt were theoretical threats, if that makes sense. My kids have been in real lockdowns with an active shooter outside their schools, bomb threats, etc. where they've had to stay silent under desks for an hour or more. It doesn't feel like the same thing.
Children having longer childhoods - thanks for clarifying, but of course, this is only true of certain areas in the world. The atrocities against young children sadly still exist.
The kids will turn out fine. As parents, I feel we grow them up to let them go and make their own decisions and choices, many of which we may not have made, but the world is different for them and they know it better than we do. The dontbmemetome video that you shared helps to make that point quite well. I hope that young man runs for office someday and brings his voice to an even wider audience.
As I commented above, I need to hear this. They will be ok and you're right that they may understand this world in some ways better than I do. That video is amazing, particularly because I don't have the experience of raising boys.
How you manage to express & resonate almost all of my thoughts on the same issues at the same exact time I’m going through them in my own life is always beyond me. 🙏🏼🦋✨
Rather than what I would consider “carefree” (which deffffffinitely did not describe my childhood), GenX’ers were the last kids to be “free range.” We could just walk or bike or roller skate somewhere and be back “later” and our parents were just happy that we weren’t in the house. We’re the Whatever Generation. Sure, whatever. We were the last of the “unscheduled” generation. My sister is 42, and she did not grow up the same as me.
I identify more with being a millennial, but I'm really an old one, on the cusp of the Gen X. So lucky for me, I did have a childhood that does not involve the internet. It's amazing though how fast I've incorporated it into my life once I got access to it at 12.
I agree with you on hope. There is always hope and nobody can take it away. Hope will keep us going. I know humanity will find its way; it may not be the same as before nor how we might envision it, but it will be the best it can be.
Thank you, Jenna, for sharing this poignant generational take on the moment we’re in. Relatable as always. It reminds me of my dream last night. I found this cute tiger and brought him home. Some time later I suddenly realized—cute yes, but still it’s a tiger. I started panicking, wondering how to get my kids away from the tiger without harm. My mom was nearby, calm as always, wondering why I was making such a fuss.
Now that I’m older, I understand the difference in perspective between us. My mom’s not an immigrant but grew up in poverty and then in three different foster homes so she has a “survivor’s mentality” too.
The one hopeful thing I’ll say about our kids’ futures is that there is a benefit to having less certainty and lower expectations. They’re freer to take more risks. Just a year out of college, my daughter’s doing her first career change, taking a job styling models. She’s wanted to work in fashion since she was a tween. Who knows where it’ll go, but I support her in going for it. I feel like our generation felt more pressure to stick with the “safe” path since it seemed more certain. Now, there is no safe path.
I need to hear more stories of young graduates like this. Internships, jobs, research positions are so hyper competitive that unless you are that scrappy, go-getter type of person, it's easy to get lost in the crowds. This is where my two kids are at the moment. I do think our generation felt pressure to stick with safer paths, however, it was also arguably easier to get an entry level job and the cost of living wasn't so outrageous. I have to have more trust in the universe that it will all work out though.
I'm a millenial mom to the youngest generation to date, Gen-Alpha. She'll turn 1 next month! I have faced the pressures of the world and can't say much of how I'll feel in 5-10-20 years time. But the worries never end for mothers / parents who care deeply about their children and the world at large. There's always something, I've come to realize. Thank you for communicating these anxieties, I feel them too 🧡
Happy first birthday to your child! And please enjoy their childhood and don't listen to jaded curmudgeons like me 😂. These years are so full of wonder and discovery. That is all that matters right now.
I appreciate you and your thoughtful commenters so much. I’m working hard to stay as close to this moment as I can. It has helped me relate differently to the unknowable future while staying grounded in what’s real. Not saying I live in a permanent state of zen-like serenity, but my anxiety and blood pressure have gone down. (Medication helps too.)
Hi Jenna, what a heartfelt piece. I would posit that by virtue of your intention and concern with your childrens' well-being, just by that alone, they will thrive in their lives. In fact, I would bet a lot of money that this will be the case. We only have this moment. We cannot predict next year, much less next week. When we look at the trajectory of human history, the common traits are change, suffering, AND overcoming suffering. We can only give our best intentions to each moment and my heartfelt wish is that as parents, everyone could choose love instead of fear as often as possible. This will reduce suffering. I know this sounds simplistic, but on the whole, I think it to be the case.... as an aside, I could have written this: "My late brother and I had somewhat difficult childhoods, but we benefitted from her protection and drive to give her children a better life and the immigrant dream—the American dream—of which my mother spectacularly achieved through sheer willpower." My late brother and I too benefited from my mother's protection and as first generation Americans, we see the world a bit differently. I hope you know that those differences are gifts for you. I'm sure you do!
Some of those John Hughes movies didn't age well! Lol. But I loved them. I hope we move forward again. We just have to endure the next 4 years. Our focus will turn to mid-term elections.
You’re a great parent. Much love from fellow Gen X-er.
❤️ Thank you, Jim
Your roadmap is mine too, it’s going to be our kids’ salvation. It starts and ends with supporting them to find their joy and their passion. From there they have to trust themselves enough to follow their hearts and find their tribes, & in that place contribute to a brighter light. Community, connection, love. 🙏🏼
I need to hear more of this, Carrie. I’m a bundle of anxiety these days, but trying so hard to mitigate. Be my reminder, ok?
It’s my honor, friend. 🫡
"I still believe that Gen X is the last generation to grow up with a truly care-free childhood."
We need to stop perpetuating this falsehood. No one's childhood was truly care-free, and, even assuming that was the case, it was only for a small capsule in the vast swath of human history. Prior to 1938, children worked in mines and factories. In some countries, including the U.K., children worked in a limited capacity up until the 1960s (particularly girls doing lacework).
One could easily argue that only Boomer children were the start of anything that resembled "carefree" childhood, but even they grew up in the shadow of austerity and death from WW II. However, Boomer children, and I say this as someone who was born in 1964, had parents who were, shall we say, "unenlightened" about what children were capable of and tended to push them to be little adults from a very young age. I know that my childhood was brutal and abusive and I grew up with a ton of worries about the economy (stagflation and the oil shock), nuclear power and war (The Cold War and Three Mile Island), and the ozone hole that we thought was going to end with all of us dying from exposure to UV radiation when it became large enough.
Idealizing the upbringing of past generations only invites intergenerational hate and envy which is misplaced. The current generation has no idea what material life was like in the past and how relatively impoverished it was. They have no idea what parents said and did to their children because they were so ignorant of child psychology and needs and just imposed arbitrary adult standards on them. Very few children from the generations you're speaking of as not being carefree were ever assaulted by their parents as discipline. Very few grew up as their parents personal servants who were asked to fetch whatever was wanted or forced to do most of the household chores. Childhood may not be "carefree" now, but it is certainly longer and less personally difficult than the eras that people romanticize.
You make a lot of good and valid points and I appreciate the reminder and the perspective. Perhaps I did generalize an entire generation's experience based on my own personal privileged context and maybe that was the misstep here because I agree that we tend to romanticize the past. I certainly am also tired of intergenerational debates. My parents were immigrants and grew up in wartime Korea, which at the time was one of the poorest countries in the world, so I can't compare my childhood to theirs even though I also grew up in a violent dysfunctional household. So while I came of age during the AIDS crises, 1992 recession and the Gulf War, my personal survival was never at risk like theirs were. While I worked hard at breaking the cycle of dysfunction, I think my children's generation is dealing with far greater complexities brought on by technology, climate disasters, and the ramifications of past generational decisions in policy and politics. Everything has accelerated at a speed that we can't even control. I'm not sure I agree that their childhood is longer. They were either forced to grow up too fast, albeit in a different way than Boomers or the Silent Generation, or stunted in emotional growth from the pandemic, which we still have yet to see full research on. I am completely grateful that I did not grow up in a time of social media. And with the incoming administration, who knows what else lies ahead.
I appreciate this discussion. It gives me something to think about, which is what I hope for when sending these newsletters out into the world.
I thought Gen X also grew up with "duck and cover" drills. I know my best friend is 42 and he said he grew up with them which definitely felt like priming kids to fear for their lives in the event of a nuclear war. I grew up within range of the Three Mile Island meltdown and was terrified of nuclear war for most of my childhood thanks to the Reagan era. I also was in Japan during the Great Tohoku quake and subsequent nuclear meltdown in Fukushima. There are always opportunities to fear for your life regardless of age.
When I say children have a longer childhood, I mean that they are spared the responsibilities of adulthood longer. I agree absolutely that adult worries are dumped in their laps via social media at an earlier age because that information is just right there. That is why parents need to moderate and limit kids use of technology much as parents used to limit what sort of television kids were allowed to watch in the past. I know it is not easy, especially when their peers are all about their social accounts.
I vaguely remember them, but the drills I felt were theoretical threats, if that makes sense. My kids have been in real lockdowns with an active shooter outside their schools, bomb threats, etc. where they've had to stay silent under desks for an hour or more. It doesn't feel like the same thing.
Children having longer childhoods - thanks for clarifying, but of course, this is only true of certain areas in the world. The atrocities against young children sadly still exist.
The kids will turn out fine. As parents, I feel we grow them up to let them go and make their own decisions and choices, many of which we may not have made, but the world is different for them and they know it better than we do. The dontbmemetome video that you shared helps to make that point quite well. I hope that young man runs for office someday and brings his voice to an even wider audience.
As I commented above, I need to hear this. They will be ok and you're right that they may understand this world in some ways better than I do. That video is amazing, particularly because I don't have the experience of raising boys.
Wow, that video is fantastic, thanks for sharing. Also great evidence for your point from last week that reading books is good!
It really helped me understand some things, and also confirm some things too. It deserves to go viral.
How you manage to express & resonate almost all of my thoughts on the same issues at the same exact time I’m going through them in my own life is always beyond me. 🙏🏼🦋✨
🥰
Rather than what I would consider “carefree” (which deffffffinitely did not describe my childhood), GenX’ers were the last kids to be “free range.” We could just walk or bike or roller skate somewhere and be back “later” and our parents were just happy that we weren’t in the house. We’re the Whatever Generation. Sure, whatever. We were the last of the “unscheduled” generation. My sister is 42, and she did not grow up the same as me.
Good point, Kris. Maybe that is a more accurate description.
I identify more with being a millennial, but I'm really an old one, on the cusp of the Gen X. So lucky for me, I did have a childhood that does not involve the internet. It's amazing though how fast I've incorporated it into my life once I got access to it at 12.
I agree with you on hope. There is always hope and nobody can take it away. Hope will keep us going. I know humanity will find its way; it may not be the same as before nor how we might envision it, but it will be the best it can be.
Did I mention I'm an optimist? :)
I could use more optimism energy Rachel, so thanks for this affirmation. I'm going to bathe in this positive energy lol.
Thank you, Jenna, for sharing this poignant generational take on the moment we’re in. Relatable as always. It reminds me of my dream last night. I found this cute tiger and brought him home. Some time later I suddenly realized—cute yes, but still it’s a tiger. I started panicking, wondering how to get my kids away from the tiger without harm. My mom was nearby, calm as always, wondering why I was making such a fuss.
Now that I’m older, I understand the difference in perspective between us. My mom’s not an immigrant but grew up in poverty and then in three different foster homes so she has a “survivor’s mentality” too.
The one hopeful thing I’ll say about our kids’ futures is that there is a benefit to having less certainty and lower expectations. They’re freer to take more risks. Just a year out of college, my daughter’s doing her first career change, taking a job styling models. She’s wanted to work in fashion since she was a tween. Who knows where it’ll go, but I support her in going for it. I feel like our generation felt more pressure to stick with the “safe” path since it seemed more certain. Now, there is no safe path.
I need to hear more stories of young graduates like this. Internships, jobs, research positions are so hyper competitive that unless you are that scrappy, go-getter type of person, it's easy to get lost in the crowds. This is where my two kids are at the moment. I do think our generation felt pressure to stick with safer paths, however, it was also arguably easier to get an entry level job and the cost of living wasn't so outrageous. I have to have more trust in the universe that it will all work out though.
I'm a millenial mom to the youngest generation to date, Gen-Alpha. She'll turn 1 next month! I have faced the pressures of the world and can't say much of how I'll feel in 5-10-20 years time. But the worries never end for mothers / parents who care deeply about their children and the world at large. There's always something, I've come to realize. Thank you for communicating these anxieties, I feel them too 🧡
Happy first birthday to your child! And please enjoy their childhood and don't listen to jaded curmudgeons like me 😂. These years are so full of wonder and discovery. That is all that matters right now.
I appreciate you and your thoughtful commenters so much. I’m working hard to stay as close to this moment as I can. It has helped me relate differently to the unknowable future while staying grounded in what’s real. Not saying I live in a permanent state of zen-like serenity, but my anxiety and blood pressure have gone down. (Medication helps too.)
I need to reach your level of zen, Asha, otherwise I'm going to go down an unhealthy spiral. You and others will show me the way.
Hi Jenna, what a heartfelt piece. I would posit that by virtue of your intention and concern with your childrens' well-being, just by that alone, they will thrive in their lives. In fact, I would bet a lot of money that this will be the case. We only have this moment. We cannot predict next year, much less next week. When we look at the trajectory of human history, the common traits are change, suffering, AND overcoming suffering. We can only give our best intentions to each moment and my heartfelt wish is that as parents, everyone could choose love instead of fear as often as possible. This will reduce suffering. I know this sounds simplistic, but on the whole, I think it to be the case.... as an aside, I could have written this: "My late brother and I had somewhat difficult childhoods, but we benefitted from her protection and drive to give her children a better life and the immigrant dream—the American dream—of which my mother spectacularly achieved through sheer willpower." My late brother and I too benefited from my mother's protection and as first generation Americans, we see the world a bit differently. I hope you know that those differences are gifts for you. I'm sure you do!
Hi Jenna, I am a big fan of your thinking, writing, art etc: I keep waiting for your essays every week.I devoured this one too!
Malini, thank you so much for this wonderful note. It made my day! Cheers xo