This speaks to me a lot. I also chose to abandon social media during the pandemic and right now Substack is the only platform I still use (and sparingly, at that), so what you said about missing out on news really hits home. It feels weird, like we live in a completely different world from that of people who are frequent social media users.
The disconnect is real. Online energy is so frenetic and ragey and judgmental and cluttered with so much stuff (including some very interesting and good things). And then I step outside my apartment and it's none of that.
Wow, this was so good to read. Enlightenment doesn’t always come with logging off. Also, there is this temptation to log off to be more productive and to prove that it was worth stepping away from all the digital noise but I wonder if that can also still be an addiction or distraction. I also am learning to be ok with the discomfort of loneliness and to be curious about it.
I found myself napping a lot more this summer and it felt good!
Napping is good! Wish I could nap. Sleep is still elusive. There's a happy medium that we each have to find. For some, it's logging off completely and forever. Minimizing social media time definitely helped, but it didn't solve everything.
Nodded along in reading this while road tripping in Croatia. I’ve been loving the sights and sounds in the Balkans, and happy that I don’t feel a need to post everything that I’m seeing here. Keeping things for myself and trying to sit with it. Also, tight friendships are where it’s at!!
I don’t love what Meta has become or represents either. But I still value the connections I’ve been able to keep there, and the chance to amplify voices with far more urgent messages than my own. I do worry about the trajectory of Substack and if it will eventually go the same way.
It will. It’s a social media app now. I don’t want to upload photos or art on any meta products. I’ve pulled back a lot on that so staying with mostly text-based social for now.
What you call doing nothing sounds, in fact, like a rare act of preservation. You stepped back from the digital carnival, resisted the pressure to produce significance out of every idle minute, and let yourself drift. That isn’t failure—it’s refusal. In a culture where every pause is monetized, silence becomes its own kind of eloquence.
Hi Jenna. I've been thinking a lot about purity (in its various forms) lately, and like you I'm concluding that the quest for it--whether total abstinence from The Device or any other form--is pointless. What's more, it's dangerous to society when it escapes the individual and becomes a crusade.
Whichever Roman or Greek sage said Moderation in All Things, he was right. Great post. Beautiful photos. Thank you.
These apps and devices are so integrated in our lives that to completely cut off feels like we'd be fighting against it in eternity. Sounds exhausting! It takes awhile, I think, but we will each find our happy medium. Thank you, Anne!
Nodded my head along to so much here, Jenna. I quit Twitter last November, deleted my account and everything after having it for over 13 years. I miss the interactions and such but I realized that the platform wasn’t for me anymore. I feel like it’s heyday was about 2010-2015, and then slowly it’s just eroded. To be sure,there are things I don’t know about or know what is happening, but I tend to find out in other ways. I am trying to tend to real life relationships, but it’s not always easy 🩵
These days, I find myself using social media (wide circle, shallow connections) both to satisfy my loose-ties conversations that I miss out on by not working in an office, and as a buffet of people from which I may select a few people to deepen a relationship with (like the dish that you go back for seconds to get). It feels a little risky to try to cross that threshold sometimes, to move from IG comments or DMs to texts/Marco Polos/in-person hangs, and it doesn't always pan out, especially because we're almost all conditioned now to spent lots of time and effort on our shallow phone-aided relationships.
But the risk has paid off for me several times, and it does help me remember that every picture or post or newsletter has (well, I hope) a real person behind it, someone who's worried about their mom's health or their kid's math class, or excited for the new sushi place opening up, or scared as hell about their state legislature. Someone who's just trying their best like we all are.
Knowing that there are people behind all that shiny exterior, and that usually, they're people who would love for me to reach out and say, "hey, we seem to have a lot to talk about, let's do a call soon, how's Thursday for you?" or "I had so much to say, I made you a 15-min video to watch" -- that has been a social balm for me.
As you know, I'm navigating this while having a tween and a teen, and when I look at their attempts at friendship, my takeaway is: adults get in our own ways a lot of times -- which is a theme I feel like I'm feeling in your writing too?
That's what made Twitter so fun in the mid-2010s. I feel like a bunch of us were using it as a replacement for the watercooler conversations at work. I think those connections and friendships can still be found, but one has to wade through so much other bullshit to find them now. I don't have that kind of energy anymore.
And getting in your own way....😬😅 yeah...I probably know a little something about that.
One of the most ironic things about my style of posting on Instagram, etc. is that I don't really have any pictures of me with my friends. (Same with my family.) My friends and I just get caught up in the moment playing board games or talking whenever I get down to Florida and see them twice a year, which is also funny in a sense because all that stuff got photographed and documented on digital cameras and posted on the old school Facebook albums when we were in high school and college. I wanted to be a journalist back in high school before the Chicago Tribune cut the sportswriting job I wanted right before I enrolled in college, and the photos I take and do post on social media (plus anything I may write to accompany those photos if I have the time and motivation) feel like the closest thing I can get to living out that old dream. Viewing social media through that lens of quasi-reporting has played a big part in me feeling like I have a somewhat healthy relationship with social media, approaching it from a place of curiosity and seeing how other people love their lives, rather than what am I up to compared to them.
I think like any relationship, we can have healthy and toxic cycles. I'm still on Threads and Bluesky (and Notes, I guess, since that seems to be where I dump most of my photos these days) because it's not filling my feeds with ads and influencers selling curated lifestyles and products...YET. I'm glad you have found a good take on it to foster a healthier relationship to it ☺️
So much of this felt pulled from my own mind (in the best way! We're not alone in these feelings!), thank you for articulating them. As a fellow cat devotee, I stumbled upon that video today and legit couldn't grasp what I was seeing for part of it. I wish we had seen his full space to understand HOW he configured this feline train station!
Right?? Like is he building all of this in his house? Does he have a job? (This must take sooo much time). How the hell did he get inside that subway car?? SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!
I have been pulling back too. Resisting the scroll and opening and closing appena like I do with the fridge when I am not hungry just feeling empty. When I am feeling lonely, I write or call a friend. I have been reading so much more. And listening to birds and children's laughter.
I also remind myself that transition can feel lonely. And breaking a dependency even more. But I will be okay - even better than okay. Jenna, what we are doing is so healthy for us. Love to you.
I was just thinking about this topic, and as usual you put it very eloquently. I quit Instagram when our new president was elected again, and at first it felt terrible. I do miss sharing some milestones with people sometimes. However, the big thing I've noticed that you have also is the shrinking of my circle. People I thought were very close friends have not been reaching out as much or at all. Passively social is all some have to give I suppose. I've made a real note of those people I want to connect with and then I text or email...and because I am petty I've made a little note of those who don't reach out to me. I know we're all busy, but I think we've lost some of these real social skills because of how easy it is to seem engaged with someone but hitting the like or saying something small. I'm curious how I will fill the time now too. It does feel good to know someone else is having the same feelings all the way across the country..and now my comment has gone full-circle. lolol.
I don't think it's petty. We have feelings and sometimes we want to protect them. Plus it's disappointing and frankly exhausting when it doesn't seem reciprocal or if one party is doing all the reaching out. After a few tries, I admit I will just let it go. Friendship shouldn't be *that* hard or forced. I recently also realized that having this newsletter or blogging like I used to may have contributed to this too when people I have not seen in years tell me that they subscribe to my newsletter. Is this a reason not to have an in-person catch up because they already know what's going on in my life? 😅
In my head I still have a huge friend circle. All the people I ever loved are still in there, dancing around and socializing like we used to. But in reality my circle, like you pointed out, is so much smaller. After limiting my time spent online, the few I actively keep in touch with remain, while the rest have started to fade away. But it's good. It's forcing space for new things.
I made a new friend who lives in my neighborhood and she actually texts ME! Such a new experience to have someone check in on my day without starting off a conversation with what’s going on with them first. (Why yes, I am surrounded by narcissists, why do you ask??)
I have made some new virtual friends here on Substack and that makes me happy.
This speaks to me a lot. I also chose to abandon social media during the pandemic and right now Substack is the only platform I still use (and sparingly, at that), so what you said about missing out on news really hits home. It feels weird, like we live in a completely different world from that of people who are frequent social media users.
The disconnect is real. Online energy is so frenetic and ragey and judgmental and cluttered with so much stuff (including some very interesting and good things). And then I step outside my apartment and it's none of that.
Wow, this was so good to read. Enlightenment doesn’t always come with logging off. Also, there is this temptation to log off to be more productive and to prove that it was worth stepping away from all the digital noise but I wonder if that can also still be an addiction or distraction. I also am learning to be ok with the discomfort of loneliness and to be curious about it.
I found myself napping a lot more this summer and it felt good!
Napping is good! Wish I could nap. Sleep is still elusive. There's a happy medium that we each have to find. For some, it's logging off completely and forever. Minimizing social media time definitely helped, but it didn't solve everything.
Nodded along in reading this while road tripping in Croatia. I’ve been loving the sights and sounds in the Balkans, and happy that I don’t feel a need to post everything that I’m seeing here. Keeping things for myself and trying to sit with it. Also, tight friendships are where it’s at!!
I had a neighborhood friend who moved to Croatia years ago. It looks so beautiful there! Enjoy your trip!
Thanks Jenna! I’m adjusting to 24/7 time with the kids, taking in all the good and the bad 😁
Haha 24/7 family time! But treasure every moment.
I don’t love what Meta has become or represents either. But I still value the connections I’ve been able to keep there, and the chance to amplify voices with far more urgent messages than my own. I do worry about the trajectory of Substack and if it will eventually go the same way.
It will. It’s a social media app now. I don’t want to upload photos or art on any meta products. I’ve pulled back a lot on that so staying with mostly text-based social for now.
What you call doing nothing sounds, in fact, like a rare act of preservation. You stepped back from the digital carnival, resisted the pressure to produce significance out of every idle minute, and let yourself drift. That isn’t failure—it’s refusal. In a culture where every pause is monetized, silence becomes its own kind of eloquence.
That’s beautiful Gary. I appreciate the comment, thank you.
Hi Jenna. I've been thinking a lot about purity (in its various forms) lately, and like you I'm concluding that the quest for it--whether total abstinence from The Device or any other form--is pointless. What's more, it's dangerous to society when it escapes the individual and becomes a crusade.
Whichever Roman or Greek sage said Moderation in All Things, he was right. Great post. Beautiful photos. Thank you.
These apps and devices are so integrated in our lives that to completely cut off feels like we'd be fighting against it in eternity. Sounds exhausting! It takes awhile, I think, but we will each find our happy medium. Thank you, Anne!
Your newsletter is always a wonderful gift. I am glad that you have a corner on Internet, we can glimpse into.
There is always beauty.
🥹 Thank you for those kind words, Jone.
Nodded my head along to so much here, Jenna. I quit Twitter last November, deleted my account and everything after having it for over 13 years. I miss the interactions and such but I realized that the platform wasn’t for me anymore. I feel like it’s heyday was about 2010-2015, and then slowly it’s just eroded. To be sure,there are things I don’t know about or know what is happening, but I tend to find out in other ways. I am trying to tend to real life relationships, but it’s not always easy 🩵
I find that the things that are worth tending to are usually not easy :)
These days, I find myself using social media (wide circle, shallow connections) both to satisfy my loose-ties conversations that I miss out on by not working in an office, and as a buffet of people from which I may select a few people to deepen a relationship with (like the dish that you go back for seconds to get). It feels a little risky to try to cross that threshold sometimes, to move from IG comments or DMs to texts/Marco Polos/in-person hangs, and it doesn't always pan out, especially because we're almost all conditioned now to spent lots of time and effort on our shallow phone-aided relationships.
But the risk has paid off for me several times, and it does help me remember that every picture or post or newsletter has (well, I hope) a real person behind it, someone who's worried about their mom's health or their kid's math class, or excited for the new sushi place opening up, or scared as hell about their state legislature. Someone who's just trying their best like we all are.
Knowing that there are people behind all that shiny exterior, and that usually, they're people who would love for me to reach out and say, "hey, we seem to have a lot to talk about, let's do a call soon, how's Thursday for you?" or "I had so much to say, I made you a 15-min video to watch" -- that has been a social balm for me.
As you know, I'm navigating this while having a tween and a teen, and when I look at their attempts at friendship, my takeaway is: adults get in our own ways a lot of times -- which is a theme I feel like I'm feeling in your writing too?
That's what made Twitter so fun in the mid-2010s. I feel like a bunch of us were using it as a replacement for the watercooler conversations at work. I think those connections and friendships can still be found, but one has to wade through so much other bullshit to find them now. I don't have that kind of energy anymore.
And getting in your own way....😬😅 yeah...I probably know a little something about that.
One of the most ironic things about my style of posting on Instagram, etc. is that I don't really have any pictures of me with my friends. (Same with my family.) My friends and I just get caught up in the moment playing board games or talking whenever I get down to Florida and see them twice a year, which is also funny in a sense because all that stuff got photographed and documented on digital cameras and posted on the old school Facebook albums when we were in high school and college. I wanted to be a journalist back in high school before the Chicago Tribune cut the sportswriting job I wanted right before I enrolled in college, and the photos I take and do post on social media (plus anything I may write to accompany those photos if I have the time and motivation) feel like the closest thing I can get to living out that old dream. Viewing social media through that lens of quasi-reporting has played a big part in me feeling like I have a somewhat healthy relationship with social media, approaching it from a place of curiosity and seeing how other people love their lives, rather than what am I up to compared to them.
I think like any relationship, we can have healthy and toxic cycles. I'm still on Threads and Bluesky (and Notes, I guess, since that seems to be where I dump most of my photos these days) because it's not filling my feeds with ads and influencers selling curated lifestyles and products...YET. I'm glad you have found a good take on it to foster a healthier relationship to it ☺️
I relate to this so much 🙏 thank you.
Thank you for reading, Robyn.
So much of this felt pulled from my own mind (in the best way! We're not alone in these feelings!), thank you for articulating them. As a fellow cat devotee, I stumbled upon that video today and legit couldn't grasp what I was seeing for part of it. I wish we had seen his full space to understand HOW he configured this feline train station!
Right?? Like is he building all of this in his house? Does he have a job? (This must take sooo much time). How the hell did he get inside that subway car?? SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!
All of these questions!!
I have been pulling back too. Resisting the scroll and opening and closing appena like I do with the fridge when I am not hungry just feeling empty. When I am feeling lonely, I write or call a friend. I have been reading so much more. And listening to birds and children's laughter.
I also remind myself that transition can feel lonely. And breaking a dependency even more. But I will be okay - even better than okay. Jenna, what we are doing is so healthy for us. Love to you.
Oooh, that is a good analogy: Opening the fridge when you're not hungry. yes, Danni, we will be okay. 🫶
I was just thinking about this topic, and as usual you put it very eloquently. I quit Instagram when our new president was elected again, and at first it felt terrible. I do miss sharing some milestones with people sometimes. However, the big thing I've noticed that you have also is the shrinking of my circle. People I thought were very close friends have not been reaching out as much or at all. Passively social is all some have to give I suppose. I've made a real note of those people I want to connect with and then I text or email...and because I am petty I've made a little note of those who don't reach out to me. I know we're all busy, but I think we've lost some of these real social skills because of how easy it is to seem engaged with someone but hitting the like or saying something small. I'm curious how I will fill the time now too. It does feel good to know someone else is having the same feelings all the way across the country..and now my comment has gone full-circle. lolol.
I don't think it's petty. We have feelings and sometimes we want to protect them. Plus it's disappointing and frankly exhausting when it doesn't seem reciprocal or if one party is doing all the reaching out. After a few tries, I admit I will just let it go. Friendship shouldn't be *that* hard or forced. I recently also realized that having this newsletter or blogging like I used to may have contributed to this too when people I have not seen in years tell me that they subscribe to my newsletter. Is this a reason not to have an in-person catch up because they already know what's going on in my life? 😅
I think that's it. I would run into people and then not have anything to say, because they'd already seen it on Instagram.
In my head I still have a huge friend circle. All the people I ever loved are still in there, dancing around and socializing like we used to. But in reality my circle, like you pointed out, is so much smaller. After limiting my time spent online, the few I actively keep in touch with remain, while the rest have started to fade away. But it's good. It's forcing space for new things.
Well put, Tay. "It's forcing space for new things." I like that.
I made a new friend who lives in my neighborhood and she actually texts ME! Such a new experience to have someone check in on my day without starting off a conversation with what’s going on with them first. (Why yes, I am surrounded by narcissists, why do you ask??)
I have made some new virtual friends here on Substack and that makes me happy.
It is true about this platform - I've begun to connect with some people again. And how wonderful to make a NEW friend, and one who lives closeby??