Thank you for this. My 19 year old (our only child) leaves for their third year of college on 8/23 after living with us since early May. It's hard to go back and forth with the open door of bringing them home and then letting go yet again. It's not nearly as painful as our first foray into empty nest, but it still hurts.
No not nearly as painful, but different. In a few months, we'll get back into our routines without them and before we know it, the semester will end. College goes by so fast!
Yet another bittersweet liminal moment. As of two months ago, I now have no kids in school. I've had to let that sink in because honestly, that reality seemed so far away when they were little. It's kind of a strange feeling but now that it's getting settled, it's introduced some really nice, new habits and emotions as time has become my own again. And when the kids do hang out, they really appreciate and enjoy it.
Regarding your brother, the guilt sounds so hard. But I have a feeling if you could ask him, he would reply "Jenna, are you kidding me? You had to get away to save yourself and grow into the amazing woman you are today! Honestly, if I were the eldest, I would have done the same too!" xo
Everything changes and evolves, including relationships. I'm already mentally preparing for the older one to move back next summer when she graduates, and then our relationship will change again. Thanks, Jeanne.
I just wrote about this transition into an empty nest. We are currently in Virginia dropping our youngest off at college and I can feel the weight of the loneliness in the house when we get back to California, two kids lighter and my husband going on travel the following week. I love what you said about one foot in their childhood bedroom and the other in adulthood (I’m awful at paraphrasing). I really saw it with oldest son (21) because he came home for the summer—at points I had to remind myself he is a much better 21 year old than I ever was and he will be just fine! Overall, we really got closer and it was such a gift to get to know the adult him. My youngest is very ready to spread his wings and leave the nest. I just have to remember, we were successful at raising them - this is what we wanted, for them to feel ready to go out into the world. I’m just not ready :)
Mia, I was in a rush, but skimmed through that post of yours with the intention to read it more carefully. I love how you're framing this empty nest period. I think I had some similar dreams but this first year without both kids have been a surprise, and nothing like I imagined. Just rolling with it for now, I guess. Thinking of you and your family as you do the college drop-off! So many emotions. Much love ❤️
Beautiful. It’s a reminder that some goodbyes don’t come all at once hey arrive in small moments, like a yellowing leaf or an empty chair...until one day you realize the space they’ve left behind.
Kind off topic, but thank you for posting about Shiota's work in Boston! I was hoping to see her installation in Paris back in March, but I found out about it too late to get a ticket. Similarly, I may be booked up too much already in NYC to get over to Boston for a weekend before the exhibit closes on September 1. So I appreciate the video and photos you took and posted here to give us a lottle taste of what the exhibit is like!
I found out about this visit through a reader! I really hope this is the beginning of more Shiota exhibits in the US. Selfishly, I hope she can do something here in NY. Her work does need big space, which might make it difficult, but I can think of a handful of venues that would be suitable. Fingers crossed!
Oh my God oh my God Shiota's work will be in NYC in three weeks and will be on display until January!!! Looks like it'll be inside the actual Japan Society building.
Good find! I have not been to the Japan Society Building. Wonder how big this site specific installation will be. All of her work is wonderful, but there is something so immersive in a huge space. Very curious!
It is all wishful thinking at this point! Just like I said numerous times before kids—“I’ll never let my kids eat fast food.” Wishful thinking. ☺️ At the very least, it gives me something to look forward to, to daydream about. I know I have to do something bc I’m already feeling apart. 🥹
Dreams keep us propelling forward, something to aspire to without timelines or deadlines. I was surprised by this year thinking I had so much of my own time to focus - and I did but not in ways I imagined. I think it was more valuable in that I focused on my health. I can’t chase any dreams if I am not well. My heart aches for you right now. I’ve been thinking a lot about that moment we first dropped her off…
We took our daughter to one of her favorite restaurants last night, one of a a list of things that must be done before she goes back to school. She's nervous, hoping for a better year than last, fearful of a worse one. College can be such a mixed bag. I know it was for me, whereas my husband's experience was wildly positive. As I feel a knot in my own stomach I recall what some older mom told me once years ago - you are only ever as happy as your least happy child. Even as they become adults, it seems to hold true. These last couple of weeks will be busy and emotional, doubly so as my son, a recent graduate, is moving a couple of hours away to start his first job. But... I know when I get over the sad feelings, I'll appreciate the space, both mental and physical, that they leave in their wake, and love the feeling of my own world getting bigger as they expand their own boundaries. Thanks for sharing this lovely, thoughtful, beautifully written piece. It always helps to be reminded that others are going through it, too. 🤗
Tara, I hope your daughter has a good year. (I hope mine do too!). I’ve been thinking about that phrase lately and how true it is. I’ve been reminding myself that these struggles teach them how to cope and are good life skills. And congrats to your son’s new job! No small feat in this environment. I have anxiety around that. What a time to be a young person looking for jobs.
"We just know too much about each other’s lives. It’s harder to keep secrets, but sometimes we need a few secrets of our own to protect." So relatable, especially in a mother-daughter way. I feel the heart tug with my almost 20-year-old son, but our identities feel more separate, which makes boundaries a bit easier.
A lot of writing I share (and others I read I suspect) is meant for people we love even when it’s not stated. I like how you just wrote it in letter form to be open about it.
Your writing and all the pictures here are so flowy, lingering, and calm while being so open about the hardness and unknowing of this phase. Thank you Jenna! I savor each and every newsletter of yours!!
"A lot of writing I share (and others I read I suspect) is meant for people we love even when it’s not stated. I like how you just wrote it in letter form to be open about it." Oh, this is kind of true, yes. Although I doubt my kids will read any of it. And thank you so much Daphne! 💕
This is beautiful. I have an 18-year-old who leaves in a couple of weeks.
It's hard. Feel all the feels. ❤️
Stunning photos, as always!
Thank you, Andrei. Hope you've been well!
Sure! Busy writing some books, is all. Hope to find more time for Substack in the coming months. I hope you’ve been keeping well too!
This is lovely.
Thank you Nicole 🫶
Beautiful, in all the ways
Thanks, Nikki 🫶
Thank you for this. My 19 year old (our only child) leaves for their third year of college on 8/23 after living with us since early May. It's hard to go back and forth with the open door of bringing them home and then letting go yet again. It's not nearly as painful as our first foray into empty nest, but it still hurts.
No not nearly as painful, but different. In a few months, we'll get back into our routines without them and before we know it, the semester will end. College goes by so fast!
Your writing is gorgeous Jenna 🧡
Mackenzie, thank you. That is so generous of you to say.
This looks wonderful!
which, the exhibit? The lavender? My pensive pose at the beach 😂?
😂 i wish life was all lavender, beach, & exhibits
💯
Yet another bittersweet liminal moment. As of two months ago, I now have no kids in school. I've had to let that sink in because honestly, that reality seemed so far away when they were little. It's kind of a strange feeling but now that it's getting settled, it's introduced some really nice, new habits and emotions as time has become my own again. And when the kids do hang out, they really appreciate and enjoy it.
Regarding your brother, the guilt sounds so hard. But I have a feeling if you could ask him, he would reply "Jenna, are you kidding me? You had to get away to save yourself and grow into the amazing woman you are today! Honestly, if I were the eldest, I would have done the same too!" xo
Everything changes and evolves, including relationships. I'm already mentally preparing for the older one to move back next summer when she graduates, and then our relationship will change again. Thanks, Jeanne.
I love your writing. I hope your daughter gets to read these missives some day and appreciates your loving reflections.
Thank you so much, Kris. 🫶
This one stopped me cold. I thought I was reading a travel or seasonal reflection — and then 💥, it was a love letter to your grown kids.
I know that hollow feeling in the chest. I miss the summers we shared, but I’m happy they’re building new ones of their own.
“Funny how it mirrors this cycle of life we’re on.” Thank you.
❤️ Thank you so much for reading.
I just wrote about this transition into an empty nest. We are currently in Virginia dropping our youngest off at college and I can feel the weight of the loneliness in the house when we get back to California, two kids lighter and my husband going on travel the following week. I love what you said about one foot in their childhood bedroom and the other in adulthood (I’m awful at paraphrasing). I really saw it with oldest son (21) because he came home for the summer—at points I had to remind myself he is a much better 21 year old than I ever was and he will be just fine! Overall, we really got closer and it was such a gift to get to know the adult him. My youngest is very ready to spread his wings and leave the nest. I just have to remember, we were successful at raising them - this is what we wanted, for them to feel ready to go out into the world. I’m just not ready :)
This was beautifully written, Jenna. ♥️
Mia, I was in a rush, but skimmed through that post of yours with the intention to read it more carefully. I love how you're framing this empty nest period. I think I had some similar dreams but this first year without both kids have been a surprise, and nothing like I imagined. Just rolling with it for now, I guess. Thinking of you and your family as you do the college drop-off! So many emotions. Much love ❤️
Beautiful. It’s a reminder that some goodbyes don’t come all at once hey arrive in small moments, like a yellowing leaf or an empty chair...until one day you realize the space they’ve left behind.
That's a beautiful way to put it Bryan, thank you.
Kind off topic, but thank you for posting about Shiota's work in Boston! I was hoping to see her installation in Paris back in March, but I found out about it too late to get a ticket. Similarly, I may be booked up too much already in NYC to get over to Boston for a weekend before the exhibit closes on September 1. So I appreciate the video and photos you took and posted here to give us a lottle taste of what the exhibit is like!
I found out about this visit through a reader! I really hope this is the beginning of more Shiota exhibits in the US. Selfishly, I hope she can do something here in NY. Her work does need big space, which might make it difficult, but I can think of a handful of venues that would be suitable. Fingers crossed!
Oh my God oh my God Shiota's work will be in NYC in three weeks and will be on display until January!!! Looks like it'll be inside the actual Japan Society building.
https://japansociety.org/gallery/chiharu-shiota-two-home-countries/
Good find! I have not been to the Japan Society Building. Wonder how big this site specific installation will be. All of her work is wonderful, but there is something so immersive in a huge space. Very curious!
It is all wishful thinking at this point! Just like I said numerous times before kids—“I’ll never let my kids eat fast food.” Wishful thinking. ☺️ At the very least, it gives me something to look forward to, to daydream about. I know I have to do something bc I’m already feeling apart. 🥹
FALLING apart.
Yep, I read that as falling. ❤️
Dreams keep us propelling forward, something to aspire to without timelines or deadlines. I was surprised by this year thinking I had so much of my own time to focus - and I did but not in ways I imagined. I think it was more valuable in that I focused on my health. I can’t chase any dreams if I am not well. My heart aches for you right now. I’ve been thinking a lot about that moment we first dropped her off…
We took our daughter to one of her favorite restaurants last night, one of a a list of things that must be done before she goes back to school. She's nervous, hoping for a better year than last, fearful of a worse one. College can be such a mixed bag. I know it was for me, whereas my husband's experience was wildly positive. As I feel a knot in my own stomach I recall what some older mom told me once years ago - you are only ever as happy as your least happy child. Even as they become adults, it seems to hold true. These last couple of weeks will be busy and emotional, doubly so as my son, a recent graduate, is moving a couple of hours away to start his first job. But... I know when I get over the sad feelings, I'll appreciate the space, both mental and physical, that they leave in their wake, and love the feeling of my own world getting bigger as they expand their own boundaries. Thanks for sharing this lovely, thoughtful, beautifully written piece. It always helps to be reminded that others are going through it, too. 🤗
Tara, I hope your daughter has a good year. (I hope mine do too!). I’ve been thinking about that phrase lately and how true it is. I’ve been reminding myself that these struggles teach them how to cope and are good life skills. And congrats to your son’s new job! No small feat in this environment. I have anxiety around that. What a time to be a young person looking for jobs.
"We just know too much about each other’s lives. It’s harder to keep secrets, but sometimes we need a few secrets of our own to protect." So relatable, especially in a mother-daughter way. I feel the heart tug with my almost 20-year-old son, but our identities feel more separate, which makes boundaries a bit easier.
A lot of writing I share (and others I read I suspect) is meant for people we love even when it’s not stated. I like how you just wrote it in letter form to be open about it.
Your writing and all the pictures here are so flowy, lingering, and calm while being so open about the hardness and unknowing of this phase. Thank you Jenna! I savor each and every newsletter of yours!!
"A lot of writing I share (and others I read I suspect) is meant for people we love even when it’s not stated. I like how you just wrote it in letter form to be open about it." Oh, this is kind of true, yes. Although I doubt my kids will read any of it. And thank you so much Daphne! 💕