Thank you so much for writing about this. I am a little over one year post-career. Taking early retirement was a calculated choice given that much of my work was centered on a system that is actively being dismantled. The Soul journey has taken precedence for me now, even though my partner and I are just barely able to pay the bills. There is so much value in living in integrity with your inner compass.
Barely being able to pay the bills in exchange for inner peace and less stress is a compromise worthy of consideration. As I've learned this year, really taking care of your health is kind of like a full time effort! Also, sometimes early retirement is forced. I didn't plan on it and it sounds like you didn't either. We're at the mercy of industries and the economy in that way. I wish you well on your journey!
My children said the same to me :) it is super-relatable!
If you ever decide to have some of your photos printed for sale, I would be interested. Although I understand the difficulties with organizing it all. Sorry, if it is available somewhere and I am just very bad at googling.
Hi Jone! I used to sell some of my photos years ago—they aren't available anywhere. But if there is a specific photo that you had in mind, send me a DM!
Thank you for this insightful read. I often feel as though I'm "throwing away" my best years by choosing to take a break from a corporate career through pregnancy and childbirth, and now the guilt has doubled since our child started daycare. I truly don't have a great answer to the question "what do you do?" and I've found I dread it when people ask how the job search is going. What am I good for, if not working a job or being a full-time parent?
But I'm also trying to unlearn the years of being obsessed with productivity before I figure out whatever the next chapter is. What I do know is that I'm a more patient and present mom than I was even a few months ago, and I'm so grateful for the privilege of rest. Your post has really given me a lot to think about - maybe it's what I needed to finally share my own story with the world...!
Aww, the parental guilt is hard. I totally understand. But please be kind to yourself. You should never feel that you are throwing away time when you are spending them with your children. Cliche saying, but it's true that you'll never get this time back. A less stressed parent it a better parent. Looking back, since I worked from home a lot of the time, I thought I was a more present parent than I think I was now that I have time and space to reflect. I was here with the kids, but I was always behind a computer working, sometimes up to 15 hours a day in multiple jobs, so I realize that I wasn't really present. So again, while that level of workaholism set me up to pull back from work now, I have some regrets.
Same same! I'm finished with my professional career and the kids are out of college. I swear I honestly enjoy this "open nest" phase of finding myself again. It has aspects of being young which is so fun and enriching. But the worry about the kids' future is absolutely real. The path is different than any previous generation so there's no road map. Plus it's continually changing with AI, inflation, the govt, billionaires, social security, inflation and dating. I know it's not in my head because I'm not getting a brush-off comment from them or their friends. All I can do is support them the best I can!
Yeah, we've weathered our own recessions, but somehow this feels different. What luck to graduate into this garbage job market. Maybe we need to form a support group to cope haha. I don't think I'm doing a good job of it.
Every time I read your posts I feel like I want to comment and say “me too.” But this one so poignantly hits me at my core. I am also at the post careeer/what next/who cares moment, my kids are at the end of college careers and their futures in this horrible world keep me up in the middle of the night. And at the same time I accept deeply that I have the privilege to sit back and ponder these questions, be in this situation. It’s a really difficult and sticky place to be. I see you. Thanks for making me feel like it’s not just me
Nancy, I'm really glad to hear from you. I have a college sophomore and a senior. What luck to graduate into one of the worst job markets in recent memory. As I posted in another comment upthread, we've weathered through recessions before, but this just feels different. It's like things have gone so far off the rails that I don't know when the job market is going to get better. It keeps me up in the middle of the night too :(
As happens every week, I feel like you're inside of my head! Thanks for articulating my jumble of thoughts and feelings so well, it always makes me feel more peaceful after I reflect on your words.
I just wanted to add a note too to thank you for the shared link about Why We Travel (or, LOLOL at a Canadian airline making it Y We Travel). I went to the secondary link you shared to read all of the essays and it was like picking from a delicious box of chocolates. I started with the reason that resonates the most with me, and after savoring that article, decided I'll save the rest to read whenever I need a hit of travel happiness. Reading it was almost a mini mental vacation in itself, just briefly slipping into a traveling frame of mind.
I'm really glad people are checking out the links. Sometimes I wonder, haha. I also really enjoyed the series. I read a few and want to read more. It somehow was so calming. I love the way you described it. I agree!
I believe you tapped into something that's stirring in quite a few of us (looking at the comments) and you were able to bottle it up and share it with so much humility and clarity.
For this, I thank you. I am grateful that I found your essay.
Lately, I've been asking myself similar questions that you posed. Why am I doing this and for whom am I writing for? As cliche as it sounds, I've narrowed down my reasons to 'connection'. Through your essay, I feel connected to you, along with your readers who chose to comment. I hope this messages helps ease some of the collective ennui that many of us are feeling at the moment.
Wil, it's so easy to get caught up *waves arms around* all of this. All of the hoops that we go through to connect and market ourselves, when most of us just want to create. This is why it's so important to ask yourself this question every once in a while. Reset, remind, recalibrate. Really glad to hear from you today.
I think we’re about the same age, with children around the same age, if I recall correctly from another post of yours we interacted on. Although our lives and personalities are different, to me it sounds like you are going through a transformation with regard to what you used to do and what you are moving toward doing with your life, as well as shedding an older outlook for a new one. These are very uncomfortable and existential experiences. But you like every other person deserves the right to be respected for going through these, and given your time and space to evolve as you are going to through them. Like the rest of the world, we are changing constantly. And we don’t have control over that. We just exist within this dynamic. Your kids will get through whatever is ahead - because they are young, and that is everything when it comes to having both stamina and courage to believe what older people often feel too beaten down to believe anymore. Young people are who make the new world. Anyway… Getting older is a lot, and being a parent is a lot. Hang in there. I obviously have a lot to say here, but to go on would make me sound like a horoscope, so I’ll peace out on that note.
I'm glad you have a lot to say! And yes, that is a good assessment of what I'm going through. Also, I can use some of your positivity. Kids are young, yes, but feel a bit beaten down already with rejections and they're going to have to weather a lot more of that. I think part of the "guilt" is the world that we are giving them. We could have done/should be doing so much better.
I know this sounds weird but a lot of the best things grow out of hard times and adversity. My parents were children during WWII, my mother in Italy and my father in the US. My father told me that when he was a kid, he asked his parents if the news (then radio and newspaper) ever covered anything else but war. People are scrappier and hardier than meets the eye, but hard times that test their mettle force them to grow and understand themselves in ways they would not have if everything had been smooth sailing. At any rate, don’t feel guilty about how things are - you have no control over that. What you can help your children with is understanding that the world is random, and whatever happens out there does not touch who they are as a person. Nothing can touch that. They are complete and separate from the world. And, that the world is neither all bad nor all good - that for every awful thing there is also something very beautiful. Counter all the bad stuff by noticing and taking in the beautiful, how light falls inside and out, the seasons change, and you’ll notice that we’re just small creatures going around in our chaos amid everything else that keeps going. This way you can get some perspective on things so our insane human world doesn’t take over your brain and heart. I’ve been through a lot both emotionally and bodily. If I did not have this perspective, I would not still be around today. The world is not just heaviness, strife, sorrow, war and death. It’s much more than our specific kind of chaos. Believe and look for that, and you’ll be able to breathe and find some peace every day, without which it would be hard to keep going.
I do help them see that. My mother who also grew up in wartime is remarkably positive. I believe this is a survivors mentality. I also believe that she would not be around today if she didn't have this perspective.
In a way, aren’t we all surviving something though? I feel like even if not living through an experience as drastic as war, we all have times where we are not sure how we’re going to get through whatever trials are ahead of us, so people who have been through these experiences and come out the other side want to encourage us - there is still reason to hope, there are still good things that can be done. So your mother, and my parents, have something there - that belief has been tested in real life, and they’re trying to say there is still something good and unkillable, for lack of a better expression, that is within us. But yeah, I understand what you’re saying. I don’t know that I’d have so much conviction in what I’m saying, even with a naturally, though searching, positive disposition, had I not gone through many successive trials by fire over the last 38 or so years. The last 15 of which have been truly and deeply life-altering. And still have not made me hopeless, though very aware and accepting of my mortality, and smallness in the grander scheme of things. But having gone through these experiences makes me want to comfort and encourage others to stay the course. And not to get wrapped up in the idea that everything is black (or white), because extremes are not where the truth lies - it is somewhere that is constantly in flux, which we don’t control but do have the choice about how to engage with in a general kind of way. Yeah… so anyway my head’s kinda blown now on an early SoCal Saturday afternoon before we change back the clocks - a whole other subject. Thanks for hearing out my “out there” ideas which I’ve put to the test in my own life. In my case, growing older has made me ever more philosophical - now where’s my hermit mountain landscape?…
One other thing, related to failure, that I came across here on Substack. I shared it with some artists in a community I belong to, in an area called Challenges. Maybe you came across this, but if not, it might help your kids get some perspective on rejection:
As you know, I think about this idea of lost ambition all the time. Two things that have come across my radar around this question:
1. the concept of Pace Layering, where different ecosystems and layers of civilization move at different paces. With age, we shift into a different pace. Maybe it's how we define ambition that changes? https://jods.mitpress.mit.edu/pub/issue3-brand/release/2
2. this interview by Phoebe Lovatt on "Influencer Creep" where she and author Sophie Bishop discuss the labor law implications of influencers on everyone, and the societal expectations of being a worker/creator, and publisher, and promoter, and and and. It's not sustainable for any generation. https://open.substack.com/pub/phoebe/p/influencer-creep?r=au0fn&utm_medium=ios
As you know, I think about this idea of lost ambition all the time. Two things that have come across my radar around this question:
1. the concept of Pace Layering, where different ecosystems and layers of civilization move at different paces. With age, we shift into a different pace. Maybe it's how we define ambition that changes? https://jods.mitpress.mit.edu/pub/issue3-brand/release/2
2. this interview by Phoebe Lovatt on "Influencer Creep" where she and author Sophie Bishop discuss the labor law implications of influencers on everyone, and the societal expectations of being a worker/creator, and publisher, and promoter, and and and. It's not sustainable for any generation. https://open.substack.com/pub/phoebe/p/influencer-creep?r=au0fn&utm_medium=ios
As always, thank you for giving such clarity to the word soup in my brain
Oof! I’m not a parent but I feel you on all of this. I got laid off in the summer of 2023 after 15 years there and leaving as a VP. Since then, I’ve reinvented myself 3 times and I’m finding that… I just don’t care. I don’t want to be in government contracting anymore, after 25 years, but that’s truly my “expertise.” 🤮 I started a genealogy business, but nobody has any money to spend and I am terrible at marketing myself when I feel like the world is teetering on the brink. I KNOW I need a reset and I applied to get my masters in Social Work but I’m going to have to defer until next fall when I will hopefully have a full time job so I can afford it!! The goal is to become a therapist… but… I just really need to pay the bills at this point. Light construction starts on Monday in my upstairs so I can rent two rooms to someone to stay afloat a bit longer. Moving is not an option.
Whew! So sorry to hijack your thoughtful post but truly, the lack of ambition and the state of the world and the fear of where we’re headed is just… a lot.
Reinvention is the norm now, and typically, multiple times in one's lifetime. I feel like everyone is holding on by a thread. Sounds like you have a plan and are taking steps to get where you would like to be, which I think is huge considering this general malaise that I sense everywhere. I don't even have any goals really. Just trying to get through whatever reality we are living in now!
Bravo. I’m about 10 or so years away from having the option to scale back work. I imagine myself doing less work and would love to have a life where I didn’t need to chase deadlines and productivity. Waking up every morning and deciding what I want to do would be the dream.
On the other hand, I’m consistently puzzled by the guilt and shaming of “privilege” that’s so prevalent these days. I would say I lean left politically (as defined in the 90s) but never understood this idea of, “oh, you’re doing well and that’s all because you were privileged from the structural aspects of society. Therefore, you should feel guilty or shameful of your success!”.
We’re doing well due to our efforts over the years. When someone was partying in high school, we studied or worked or did something to enhance our skills and networking. When others partied with the proceeds and got their fancy cars after getting their first jobs after college, we were saving up and learning to invest. Now that we’re cruising along at a nice clip, those same people want to drag us down by saying that our success is due to being privileged by the system. What utter nonsense.
Of course, if we’re living off of rich parents (aka 富二代 in Mandarin), that’s be a different story. We were lucky to be able to live in an opportune time and place, but by no means were our futures neatly handed to us with a bow tie . I look at the same people who grew up with us with similar means—not all of them did as well, and of course the more ambitious ones did even better. Hard work, taking chances, and certainly luck were the difference in outcomes. We had to work hard and sacrifice much to get into our current place in life.
So I say, forget those who would shame you and others for your success. Be proud of your work over the years and the lives you have now. We’ve all earned it.
Of course, be kind to others, be helpful whenever and whatever ways we can be. Just ignore the noise of those who would drag us down through shaming. It’s just their latest excuse to justify the success they so crave but aren’t willing to make the effort and sacrifice for!
Finally, I’d say that the kids have their own lives and destinies. We can only do our best to help them along. No sense or logic being worried and afraid of things that we cannot control (job market, rise of AI, geopolitics, etc etc). They have to find their own way through life just as we did.
I continue to enjoy your writing, keep up the great work 🍻
Privilege is a complicated thing. I would say that my discomfort with it, personally, is internal, not from external forces. Race is also very complicated and for me privilege and race are somewhat connected, as it is not a level playing field within the system. I know others might feel the same way and some do not and that's ok! This is a highly polarizing topic. I'm not really sure where my discomfort comes from since our family came from poor beginnings and my mom built she now has everything herself. I just see so many people struggling and these are scary times for a lot of us. Costs are skyrocketing and layoffs are happening and meanwhile stocks are going up and the wealthy are getting wealthier. I am also benefiting. I think young people really need to have financial literacy as part of their education. This is part of where the disparity comes from.
I appreciate your encouragement to feel proud. I do! And I wish you all the best for your own 10 year plan of scaling back!
I am fortunate and grateful that my career days didn't involve the hustle version of growth, for it is toxic to health and unsustainable to society. So, when I went out on my own, I stubbornly refused to play any games, including and especially the hustle game.
I'm a fan of Einstein who said he looked for answers in nature, and so do I. I have a black thumb, but even I can see that nature is always growing and changing, but slowly. Each step is as perfect as it can get in the circumstances before it takes another. Although invasive species do exist, nature's pretty good at keeping them in check. Nature can even teach us the importance of weathering storms without judgment. Hustle culture more resembles an invasive species than the reliability and flexibility that is nature.
I think that's what I like about your contributions: they are more like the slow, thoughtful, organic, and natural growth process that Nature teaches us is a healthier way by virtue of being in alignment with the laws of physics. Everything exists on a frequency wave and there really is a Goldilocks Zone within each and every one - we only need to find it. In our own lives, everything we do has a Goldilocks Zone for us to discover and play within, freely and safely. Connected. Free. Both. But I'm a dreamer of the impossible kind when it comes to human nature.
Paula, I really love your whole nature analogy to organic growth. To read it was soothing. But this slower, more organic way is so at odds with everything that's pushed on us. Sometimes, as it was true for me, it's only when we come out of it to take a breath that we can see this more clearly.
Thank you so much for writing about this. I am a little over one year post-career. Taking early retirement was a calculated choice given that much of my work was centered on a system that is actively being dismantled. The Soul journey has taken precedence for me now, even though my partner and I are just barely able to pay the bills. There is so much value in living in integrity with your inner compass.
Barely being able to pay the bills in exchange for inner peace and less stress is a compromise worthy of consideration. As I've learned this year, really taking care of your health is kind of like a full time effort! Also, sometimes early retirement is forced. I didn't plan on it and it sounds like you didn't either. We're at the mercy of industries and the economy in that way. I wish you well on your journey!
Completely on point. Thank you.
"Now that my career days are behind me, my anxiety about jobs seems to have transferred over to my college children’s prospects"
Isn't it funny how anxieties seem to roam and settle on new targets..
Thanks for the thoughtful essay.
Totally. Anxiety does not respect boundaries!
Ding ding ding (in other words, me too).
we need to do a catchup!
Thanks for writing the words that were swimming in my head.
You're very welcome. We aren't so alone in this world ☺️
My children said the same to me :) it is super-relatable!
If you ever decide to have some of your photos printed for sale, I would be interested. Although I understand the difficulties with organizing it all. Sorry, if it is available somewhere and I am just very bad at googling.
Hi Jone! I used to sell some of my photos years ago—they aren't available anywhere. But if there is a specific photo that you had in mind, send me a DM!
Thank you for this insightful read. I often feel as though I'm "throwing away" my best years by choosing to take a break from a corporate career through pregnancy and childbirth, and now the guilt has doubled since our child started daycare. I truly don't have a great answer to the question "what do you do?" and I've found I dread it when people ask how the job search is going. What am I good for, if not working a job or being a full-time parent?
But I'm also trying to unlearn the years of being obsessed with productivity before I figure out whatever the next chapter is. What I do know is that I'm a more patient and present mom than I was even a few months ago, and I'm so grateful for the privilege of rest. Your post has really given me a lot to think about - maybe it's what I needed to finally share my own story with the world...!
Aww, the parental guilt is hard. I totally understand. But please be kind to yourself. You should never feel that you are throwing away time when you are spending them with your children. Cliche saying, but it's true that you'll never get this time back. A less stressed parent it a better parent. Looking back, since I worked from home a lot of the time, I thought I was a more present parent than I think I was now that I have time and space to reflect. I was here with the kids, but I was always behind a computer working, sometimes up to 15 hours a day in multiple jobs, so I realize that I wasn't really present. So again, while that level of workaholism set me up to pull back from work now, I have some regrets.
Same same! I'm finished with my professional career and the kids are out of college. I swear I honestly enjoy this "open nest" phase of finding myself again. It has aspects of being young which is so fun and enriching. But the worry about the kids' future is absolutely real. The path is different than any previous generation so there's no road map. Plus it's continually changing with AI, inflation, the govt, billionaires, social security, inflation and dating. I know it's not in my head because I'm not getting a brush-off comment from them or their friends. All I can do is support them the best I can!
Yeah, we've weathered our own recessions, but somehow this feels different. What luck to graduate into this garbage job market. Maybe we need to form a support group to cope haha. I don't think I'm doing a good job of it.
That's what this substack is! haha.
😂 That's good with me!
Interesting read and I can definitely relate to so much of this!
🫶 Thanks for reading, Jane!
You're welcome! I enjoy your writing!
Every time I read your posts I feel like I want to comment and say “me too.” But this one so poignantly hits me at my core. I am also at the post careeer/what next/who cares moment, my kids are at the end of college careers and their futures in this horrible world keep me up in the middle of the night. And at the same time I accept deeply that I have the privilege to sit back and ponder these questions, be in this situation. It’s a really difficult and sticky place to be. I see you. Thanks for making me feel like it’s not just me
Nancy, I'm really glad to hear from you. I have a college sophomore and a senior. What luck to graduate into one of the worst job markets in recent memory. As I posted in another comment upthread, we've weathered through recessions before, but this just feels different. It's like things have gone so far off the rails that I don't know when the job market is going to get better. It keeps me up in the middle of the night too :(
If you ever need to commiserate further, DM!
I will! I have a senior and junior 🫣
As happens every week, I feel like you're inside of my head! Thanks for articulating my jumble of thoughts and feelings so well, it always makes me feel more peaceful after I reflect on your words.
I just wanted to add a note too to thank you for the shared link about Why We Travel (or, LOLOL at a Canadian airline making it Y We Travel). I went to the secondary link you shared to read all of the essays and it was like picking from a delicious box of chocolates. I started with the reason that resonates the most with me, and after savoring that article, decided I'll save the rest to read whenever I need a hit of travel happiness. Reading it was almost a mini mental vacation in itself, just briefly slipping into a traveling frame of mind.
I'm really glad people are checking out the links. Sometimes I wonder, haha. I also really enjoyed the series. I read a few and want to read more. It somehow was so calming. I love the way you described it. I agree!
So glad you named this Abby, it feels like Jenna is in my head every week too!
I believe you tapped into something that's stirring in quite a few of us (looking at the comments) and you were able to bottle it up and share it with so much humility and clarity.
For this, I thank you. I am grateful that I found your essay.
Lately, I've been asking myself similar questions that you posed. Why am I doing this and for whom am I writing for? As cliche as it sounds, I've narrowed down my reasons to 'connection'. Through your essay, I feel connected to you, along with your readers who chose to comment. I hope this messages helps ease some of the collective ennui that many of us are feeling at the moment.
Wil, it's so easy to get caught up *waves arms around* all of this. All of the hoops that we go through to connect and market ourselves, when most of us just want to create. This is why it's so important to ask yourself this question every once in a while. Reset, remind, recalibrate. Really glad to hear from you today.
I think we’re about the same age, with children around the same age, if I recall correctly from another post of yours we interacted on. Although our lives and personalities are different, to me it sounds like you are going through a transformation with regard to what you used to do and what you are moving toward doing with your life, as well as shedding an older outlook for a new one. These are very uncomfortable and existential experiences. But you like every other person deserves the right to be respected for going through these, and given your time and space to evolve as you are going to through them. Like the rest of the world, we are changing constantly. And we don’t have control over that. We just exist within this dynamic. Your kids will get through whatever is ahead - because they are young, and that is everything when it comes to having both stamina and courage to believe what older people often feel too beaten down to believe anymore. Young people are who make the new world. Anyway… Getting older is a lot, and being a parent is a lot. Hang in there. I obviously have a lot to say here, but to go on would make me sound like a horoscope, so I’ll peace out on that note.
I'm glad you have a lot to say! And yes, that is a good assessment of what I'm going through. Also, I can use some of your positivity. Kids are young, yes, but feel a bit beaten down already with rejections and they're going to have to weather a lot more of that. I think part of the "guilt" is the world that we are giving them. We could have done/should be doing so much better.
I know this sounds weird but a lot of the best things grow out of hard times and adversity. My parents were children during WWII, my mother in Italy and my father in the US. My father told me that when he was a kid, he asked his parents if the news (then radio and newspaper) ever covered anything else but war. People are scrappier and hardier than meets the eye, but hard times that test their mettle force them to grow and understand themselves in ways they would not have if everything had been smooth sailing. At any rate, don’t feel guilty about how things are - you have no control over that. What you can help your children with is understanding that the world is random, and whatever happens out there does not touch who they are as a person. Nothing can touch that. They are complete and separate from the world. And, that the world is neither all bad nor all good - that for every awful thing there is also something very beautiful. Counter all the bad stuff by noticing and taking in the beautiful, how light falls inside and out, the seasons change, and you’ll notice that we’re just small creatures going around in our chaos amid everything else that keeps going. This way you can get some perspective on things so our insane human world doesn’t take over your brain and heart. I’ve been through a lot both emotionally and bodily. If I did not have this perspective, I would not still be around today. The world is not just heaviness, strife, sorrow, war and death. It’s much more than our specific kind of chaos. Believe and look for that, and you’ll be able to breathe and find some peace every day, without which it would be hard to keep going.
I do help them see that. My mother who also grew up in wartime is remarkably positive. I believe this is a survivors mentality. I also believe that she would not be around today if she didn't have this perspective.
In a way, aren’t we all surviving something though? I feel like even if not living through an experience as drastic as war, we all have times where we are not sure how we’re going to get through whatever trials are ahead of us, so people who have been through these experiences and come out the other side want to encourage us - there is still reason to hope, there are still good things that can be done. So your mother, and my parents, have something there - that belief has been tested in real life, and they’re trying to say there is still something good and unkillable, for lack of a better expression, that is within us. But yeah, I understand what you’re saying. I don’t know that I’d have so much conviction in what I’m saying, even with a naturally, though searching, positive disposition, had I not gone through many successive trials by fire over the last 38 or so years. The last 15 of which have been truly and deeply life-altering. And still have not made me hopeless, though very aware and accepting of my mortality, and smallness in the grander scheme of things. But having gone through these experiences makes me want to comfort and encourage others to stay the course. And not to get wrapped up in the idea that everything is black (or white), because extremes are not where the truth lies - it is somewhere that is constantly in flux, which we don’t control but do have the choice about how to engage with in a general kind of way. Yeah… so anyway my head’s kinda blown now on an early SoCal Saturday afternoon before we change back the clocks - a whole other subject. Thanks for hearing out my “out there” ideas which I’ve put to the test in my own life. In my case, growing older has made me ever more philosophical - now where’s my hermit mountain landscape?…
One other thing, related to failure, that I came across here on Substack. I shared it with some artists in a community I belong to, in an area called Challenges. Maybe you came across this, but if not, it might help your kids get some perspective on rejection:
https://substack.com/@ineslee/note/c-167887687?r=5bz6da&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action
Thank you for this link.
As you know, I think about this idea of lost ambition all the time. Two things that have come across my radar around this question:
1. the concept of Pace Layering, where different ecosystems and layers of civilization move at different paces. With age, we shift into a different pace. Maybe it's how we define ambition that changes? https://jods.mitpress.mit.edu/pub/issue3-brand/release/2
2. this interview by Phoebe Lovatt on "Influencer Creep" where she and author Sophie Bishop discuss the labor law implications of influencers on everyone, and the societal expectations of being a worker/creator, and publisher, and promoter, and and and. It's not sustainable for any generation. https://open.substack.com/pub/phoebe/p/influencer-creep?r=au0fn&utm_medium=ios
These are great and interesting links. Thanks, Tanya!
Tea and conversation soon?
As you know, I think about this idea of lost ambition all the time. Two things that have come across my radar around this question:
1. the concept of Pace Layering, where different ecosystems and layers of civilization move at different paces. With age, we shift into a different pace. Maybe it's how we define ambition that changes? https://jods.mitpress.mit.edu/pub/issue3-brand/release/2
2. this interview by Phoebe Lovatt on "Influencer Creep" where she and author Sophie Bishop discuss the labor law implications of influencers on everyone, and the societal expectations of being a worker/creator, and publisher, and promoter, and and and. It's not sustainable for any generation. https://open.substack.com/pub/phoebe/p/influencer-creep?r=au0fn&utm_medium=ios
As always, thank you for giving such clarity to the word soup in my brain
Oof! I’m not a parent but I feel you on all of this. I got laid off in the summer of 2023 after 15 years there and leaving as a VP. Since then, I’ve reinvented myself 3 times and I’m finding that… I just don’t care. I don’t want to be in government contracting anymore, after 25 years, but that’s truly my “expertise.” 🤮 I started a genealogy business, but nobody has any money to spend and I am terrible at marketing myself when I feel like the world is teetering on the brink. I KNOW I need a reset and I applied to get my masters in Social Work but I’m going to have to defer until next fall when I will hopefully have a full time job so I can afford it!! The goal is to become a therapist… but… I just really need to pay the bills at this point. Light construction starts on Monday in my upstairs so I can rent two rooms to someone to stay afloat a bit longer. Moving is not an option.
Whew! So sorry to hijack your thoughtful post but truly, the lack of ambition and the state of the world and the fear of where we’re headed is just… a lot.
Thanks for being one of my favorite Substacks. 💖
Reinvention is the norm now, and typically, multiple times in one's lifetime. I feel like everyone is holding on by a thread. Sounds like you have a plan and are taking steps to get where you would like to be, which I think is huge considering this general malaise that I sense everywhere. I don't even have any goals really. Just trying to get through whatever reality we are living in now!
Bravo. I’m about 10 or so years away from having the option to scale back work. I imagine myself doing less work and would love to have a life where I didn’t need to chase deadlines and productivity. Waking up every morning and deciding what I want to do would be the dream.
On the other hand, I’m consistently puzzled by the guilt and shaming of “privilege” that’s so prevalent these days. I would say I lean left politically (as defined in the 90s) but never understood this idea of, “oh, you’re doing well and that’s all because you were privileged from the structural aspects of society. Therefore, you should feel guilty or shameful of your success!”.
We’re doing well due to our efforts over the years. When someone was partying in high school, we studied or worked or did something to enhance our skills and networking. When others partied with the proceeds and got their fancy cars after getting their first jobs after college, we were saving up and learning to invest. Now that we’re cruising along at a nice clip, those same people want to drag us down by saying that our success is due to being privileged by the system. What utter nonsense.
Of course, if we’re living off of rich parents (aka 富二代 in Mandarin), that’s be a different story. We were lucky to be able to live in an opportune time and place, but by no means were our futures neatly handed to us with a bow tie . I look at the same people who grew up with us with similar means—not all of them did as well, and of course the more ambitious ones did even better. Hard work, taking chances, and certainly luck were the difference in outcomes. We had to work hard and sacrifice much to get into our current place in life.
So I say, forget those who would shame you and others for your success. Be proud of your work over the years and the lives you have now. We’ve all earned it.
Of course, be kind to others, be helpful whenever and whatever ways we can be. Just ignore the noise of those who would drag us down through shaming. It’s just their latest excuse to justify the success they so crave but aren’t willing to make the effort and sacrifice for!
Finally, I’d say that the kids have their own lives and destinies. We can only do our best to help them along. No sense or logic being worried and afraid of things that we cannot control (job market, rise of AI, geopolitics, etc etc). They have to find their own way through life just as we did.
I continue to enjoy your writing, keep up the great work 🍻
Privilege is a complicated thing. I would say that my discomfort with it, personally, is internal, not from external forces. Race is also very complicated and for me privilege and race are somewhat connected, as it is not a level playing field within the system. I know others might feel the same way and some do not and that's ok! This is a highly polarizing topic. I'm not really sure where my discomfort comes from since our family came from poor beginnings and my mom built she now has everything herself. I just see so many people struggling and these are scary times for a lot of us. Costs are skyrocketing and layoffs are happening and meanwhile stocks are going up and the wealthy are getting wealthier. I am also benefiting. I think young people really need to have financial literacy as part of their education. This is part of where the disparity comes from.
I appreciate your encouragement to feel proud. I do! And I wish you all the best for your own 10 year plan of scaling back!
I am fortunate and grateful that my career days didn't involve the hustle version of growth, for it is toxic to health and unsustainable to society. So, when I went out on my own, I stubbornly refused to play any games, including and especially the hustle game.
I'm a fan of Einstein who said he looked for answers in nature, and so do I. I have a black thumb, but even I can see that nature is always growing and changing, but slowly. Each step is as perfect as it can get in the circumstances before it takes another. Although invasive species do exist, nature's pretty good at keeping them in check. Nature can even teach us the importance of weathering storms without judgment. Hustle culture more resembles an invasive species than the reliability and flexibility that is nature.
I think that's what I like about your contributions: they are more like the slow, thoughtful, organic, and natural growth process that Nature teaches us is a healthier way by virtue of being in alignment with the laws of physics. Everything exists on a frequency wave and there really is a Goldilocks Zone within each and every one - we only need to find it. In our own lives, everything we do has a Goldilocks Zone for us to discover and play within, freely and safely. Connected. Free. Both. But I'm a dreamer of the impossible kind when it comes to human nature.
Paula, I really love your whole nature analogy to organic growth. To read it was soothing. But this slower, more organic way is so at odds with everything that's pushed on us. Sometimes, as it was true for me, it's only when we come out of it to take a breath that we can see this more clearly.